Wanderlust
by DearSweetPapercut
Summary: Wanderlust n. 'The desire to be somewhere other than one's current location or situation' Sara/Greg/Morgan
1. Chapter 1

Sara/Greg/Morgan

Warning- No GSR

Shout out to Charlie who has basically co-written this wit me!

Please review- let me know what you think- if you want more.

Disclaimer: I own zilch.

**Wanderlust **

**(Prologue)**

The Las Vegas night stretched out across the city and the desert- clouds rolling through the sky like cigarettes smoke. Grissom swung the front door open expecting Sara to be sitting on the sofa watching television in her PJs.

He could almost see her smile once she'd realised that he'd come home early but there was nothing but darkness to greet him- it appeared as if none of the lights in the house were on. The only sound giving away that anyone was home had been the creaking off the floor boards above him. Long shift- he thought placing his suitcase aside and locking the door- she must have decided to get an early night.

"Sara" He called out but still no reply came so attempting to be as silent as possible he crept up the stairs- he wanted to surprise her. It was the sound of a low throaty groan that seemed to stop him in his tracks. Grissom paused for a moment hovering on the stairs attempting to figure out whether he wanted to proceed or not. In the end he found himself making his way up the stairs with a feeling of panic welling up inside him. He had never contemplated the prospect that Sara could be unfaithful to him, but he knew that those sounds could only be coming from one thing.

Now that he was faced with discovering her adultery it terrified him. He knew she would be justified; he couldn't claim to be any kind of husband to her, no matter how many times he promised her he would return to Vegas and give up his new jet setting career he always seemed to let her down. It broke his heart as much as hers when he left her alone but he never once looked back to think about what it was doing to her.

He approached the bedroom door, their bedroom door. Inside was their sanctuary, a place where they had shared the most intimate and poignant moments of his life; a place where she was now sharing them with someone else. He held his breath as he slowly opened the door, allowing himself to take in the sight in front of him as carefully as he dared.

Sara had her back to him, the bare skin glistening in the dim lighting as she moved over her lover in ways that he could only trudge up from his memories of long ago. Hands skimmed over her waist and brushed across her skin as though worshipping her body as her sighs joined his breathless whispers encouraging her to continue- to not end their moments of pleasure.

When he spotted Grissom in the doorway fear immediately ignited in Greg's eyes and Sara twisted her body around to meet her husband's broken gaze.

She clambered off the bed grabbing the first item of clothing that she could get her hands on which happened to be Greg's shirt and without giving it a second thought she wrapped it around herself rushing down the stairs.

"Grissom please...please wait..." She pleaded with him her arms firmly wrapped around herself hiding her body from his view.

"No Sara...I'm done." He threw the comment over his shoulder making his way towards the suitcase he had left by the front door.

"I'm so sorry...I'll do anything please...don't go..." Tears were stinging her eyes as she rushed to him standing in front of the door so he couldn't leave.

"How could you Sara. How could you, bring him into _our_ home...into _our_ bed." Grissom hissed at her pushing her aside with one firm shove.

"It just happened...It didn't mean anything..." She seemed to be promising him her hands wrapped around one of his wrists. It was this sentence that felt like a stab to Greg's heart as he stood at the top of the stairs attempting to assess the mess they had created.

"We could go away...we could start again...I'll do anything...but please...please don't leave me..." Tears were streaming down Sara's face as she begged him not to go. "I love you...I love you too much to lose you...Please Gil don't go..."

"I always knew you would hurt me eventually, I always knew it would come to this" He voice was dead-pan it was as if he was shutting his mind off from the hurt from what Sara had done. Grissom looked into her eyes one last time opening the door and disappearing into the night.

Sara could feel her whole world falling apart- everything she had built crumbling for something that she had always been unsure about. Everything had disintegrated because she hadn't been able to face the situation that her marriage had left her in.

She'd lost it all.

It was all her fault she acknowledged as she fell in a heap of emotions beside the front door her heart not wanting to believe that he was really gone.

Greg slowly crept towards her his eyes filled with guilt, sadness and concern but Sara refused to look at him. He knew he should have been angry about the things that Sara had said about what they had done. He loved her. He always had done but she had disregarded him- used him but Greg didn't care he realised he couldn't watch her hurting like this.

"Sara..." he reached out placing a hand gently on her shoulder as he attempted to help her stand up but it didn't work.

"Don't touch me..." Sara screamed at him flinching away from his hand. "Go...just go..." She whimpered wrapping her arms around herself tighter.

Greg stood up his eyes washing over her for a second and it was as if the wave of resentment that he should have been feeling before was finally settling in alongside the confusion he felt constantly when he was around Sara.

"If keep going like this...you're not going to have anyone left to push away Sara..."

His words seemed to ring throughout the house as he grabbed his coat leaving through the front door- the same way her husband had done only moments before.

The silence and darkness seemed to consume her as Sara realised that now she was completely and utterly alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wanderlust**

**(One) **

Sara had found herself in a dusty old bar off Industrial; the sort of place that had its hay day but couldn't seem to let go of those times. The walls were covered in photographs of the yester years, the stars that had drunk there. It was the perfect place for Sara who went there to indulge in nostalgia. It saddened her thinking about the years that had passed her by and the things that she wished she could have changed. But those feelings of deprecation would fade into the back ground with every drink.

The fifth shot of bourbon slid down her throat with ease following the same slow burning pattern as the ones before had left. She could barely remember how many drinks she'd had or how long she'd been there. Time had become a blur, a measure barely important enough to keep track of. It didn't matter how long she stayed to wallowing in her misery- there was no one waiting for her- there was no where she had to be.

The bar tender placed another shot beside the wedding band Sara had put down in front of her. The gold glinted against the dark, splintered wood of the bar. She knew she should have stopped wearing it, keeping it with her, the moment that she had realised Grissom wasn't coming back but she couldn't let go. It was as if her life had come to a stand still waiting for her husband's return; his forgiveness.

It had been a month after he'd walked in on her and Greg in the throes of passion that Grissom had sent her divorce papers and a polite note telling her to forward his mail to his new address. She had crumbled that day all of the things she'd worked for had fallen apart and she realised that without him she didn't have anything left.

Sara couldn't remember when the idea of driving the three hundred point nine miles to Phoenix to find Grissom had started sounding like a good idea. But she had done it. She had stood outside of his new house waiting to talk to him, to prove to him that she loved him and that she was willing to do anything to get him back but he simply just told her leave. He told her that the only thing he could think of when he looked at her was the image of her and Greg having sex.

So admitting defeat she finally gave in and acknowledged that she had nothing left.

That was a lie- she had Greg. She had the lusty, dark non-relationship they had created in her husband's absence. It was that very memory causing her to take the shot that had been placed in front of her.

"Put it on my tab John." She told the bar tender slowly making her way towards the door hoping not to stumble too much without giving a second thought once she was outside in the night Sara fell into the back of a waiting cab offering Greg's address in a slur.

It was wrong to go to him. She knew that. And every time she did a brand new wave of guilt would crash over her but for Sara realised she needed something- someone- to need because alone she would no doubt go insane. She wondered if there was anyone else she could blame for her current predicament but knew that it was in vain. She had been the one that had brought Greg into her martial bed- she had been the one careless enough to think that there would be no consequences to giving into her carnal desires.

Sara thought of the way she had let herself be wrapped up in the lust of Greg's embrace a knot tightening in her stomach as she unravelled when that desire had turned to simple desperate need.

They had developed routines which neither one of them had bothered to discuss. It was always Greg's house. Sara couldn't bare being in that room. She had taken to sleeping on the sofa- she liked having the TV on the noise made her feel less alone and she wanted to be there waiting if Grissom ever returned.

And it only happened when she was drunk. When she was sober Sara wouldn't even look at him the look of fear in his eyes when he'd seen Grissom standing in the doorway watching them would flash before her eyes as a remember of her wrong. The memory of the way her husband had looked at her- the way his eyes had washed over her naked body and the man that was beneath her. The disappointment, the despair and betrayal haunted her.

Sara knocked on Greg's door leaning against the door frame with her eyes closed. There was a pause and she could hear Greg making his way down the stairs to answer the door.

"Sara..." He said breathlessly once he'd seen who it was.

"We've done this sixty three times don't tell me you're still surprised with every time I turn up here." She smirked stepping past him as if she owned the place.

Greg had learnt to handle Sara's volatile moods when she was drunk. It disappointed him every time she would appear with the smell of whiskey on her breath asking him to make her forget. And in order to not lose her he had taught himself how to comfort her when she was crying, to calm her down she was angry and ignore her when she was snarky.

"No...It's just I was expecting someone..." He muttered just loud enough for her to hear. This confession stopped Sara in her tracks as she glanced around- the music, the tidiness and set of DVDs on the table spoke of the date Greg had planned on having. Sara could feel her cheeks flush pink as she realised that even though she pushed Greg away there was bound to be someone out there who wouldn't hurt him the way she did.

"I'll leave..." She mumbled not looking at him in the eye as she spoke feeling embarrassed that she could ever think he would be there for her at the drop of a hat.

"No...Sara...Stay..." Greg assured her his hands on her arms, his eyes filled with helplessness. "I can cancel. Go upstairs...I'll be right up..."

Greg didn't know what it was about Sara but she made him need her. She made him willing to do anything. Greg couldn't see her like this and turn her away. If he was honest with himself he was terrified of what she would do if he left her alone. Rumours had been flying about the lab about her slow decline into alcoholism and depression and as much as he wanted to say that this was not true the various states in which Sara came to him disproved him.

Sara looked up at him with a small nod she turn around and climbed up the stairs towards his bedroom. It was a place she knew almost as well as the bar where she had begun drowning her sorrows on a regular basis.

When Greg made it upstairs Sara was laying on the bed completely naked, her clothes neatly folded and placed aside for when they were done, staring at the ceiling. Greg undressed himself and laid down beside her popping himself on his elbow so he could watch her expression.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked preparing himself for the morbid thoughts in Sara's mind.

"I was just thinking about all of the things we do to convince ourselves we're not alone." Sara shifted slightly her eyes remained focused on the ceiling. "The way we lie to ourselves to think that someone would care if we just disappeared..."

"You're not alone..." The sentence stilled the air between them.

"Show me..." Sara whispered finally meeting his eye taking his hand and placing it between her legs, her thighs inching apart opening herself up for him. His touch burned across her- her body arched into him lost in the ecstasy of his carefully placed caresses.

And there it was.

Greg did the things she expected of him and they attempted to cover up all of the problems they had created for themselves with sex. Her legs encircled him as he pushed her over the edge- clinging to him she cried out his name. But the unbridled hunger for him remained something she only succumbed to in their heated moments of passion.

One they had finished Sara quickly moved away from him heading towards the neat pile of clothes she had placed on his dresser taking deep breathes to recover from the intensity of her orgasm. Greg turned to watch her as she clothed herself his heart sinking knowing what was coming next.

"Stay..." He seemed to be pleading with her the hope in his voice undeniable. Every time he would have to watch her disappear into the night as if she were ashamed of their non-commitment to each other.

"I can't..." Sara replied not offering an explanation and Greg didn't plan on asking for one. He knew that her answers were bound to leave scars that he feared would never heal.

"You know I love you...don't you?" The question was asked to the air rather than Sara who he knew wouldn't even acknowledge his words. She never did, choosing instead to stick to routine and after she'd placed a gentle kiss on his forehead before she disappeared out of his home.

It was cold on the streets at night, the air closed in around her, biting at her skin as she made herself walk the few blocks back to her condo. She needed the space between what she had done with Greg and the place she once shared with her husband.

Walking home had become her way of clearing her head before she was forced to be alone again. She cleansed her mind of all the emotions that seemed to be taking over- the things that she would find herself feeling for Greg- all of those small thoughts that remained constantly in the back of her mind.

The guilt she felt for using Greg like this was insurmountable but it could be suppressed, like most emotions could. She could bury it deep down inside her soul so it would never surface and he would never see her doubting her decision to stay detached from him. When she was with Greg he made her feel alive again, he made her feel loved and treasured but when he looked into her eyes he made her feel vulnerable and that's what she was most afraid of.

She couldn't let her guard down this time; she had to be completely in control. This understanding they had going on had to stay the way it was; the opposite of everything she'd had with her husband.

Sara soon found herself standing outside her home staring up at the darkened windows. The image made her heart sink as she absentmindedly closed her hand around the ring in her pocket. the truth was she had to keep the upper hand with Greg, she knew she could lose him at any moment and even although her behaviour of late was bound to facilitate that she could at least pretend to herself that she had seen it coming.

She imagined how happy he could be with someone else- someone who loved him with the whole of their heart. Sara forced herself to acknowledge the fact that she was not that person- she was living with ghosts. Over their entanglement all she had done was hold him back. But even though she knew these things to be true Sara couldn't force herself to let go. Being wrapped up in his arms made her the person she wished to be for a short while and even though it was wrong she did not want to give that up.

With a sigh she found the box of cigarettes in her pocket lighting one as Sara reminded herself- that there was still some time.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you all for the feedback so far- it really does mean a great deal- please keep the reviews coming!

**Wanderlust**

**(Two)**

Sara wandered into the break room, a cup of coffee 'to go' clutched in her hand, wearing sunglasses to cover her eyes from the light. Sara's hangovers were well known around the lab by now and her temper on these days was acknowledged as nothing short of foul.

"You have a trash run in the desert. Vartann's waiting for you." Catherine said shortly her expression that of resentment.

She simply just nodded turning around and walking away from the crowd of her co workers that had gathered in the break room. Sara had gotten used to the glares and dislikes that radiated from the people around her. Grissom had told Catherine that their marriage had ended and the reasons why. Soon enough everyone knew what Sara had done. Grissom had been kind enough not to tell Catherine that the man Sara had been with that night had been Greg.

Sara had decided not to spill that detail of information- Greg didn't deserve to lose everything the way she had done. In the end it had been her fault- she had been the one to instigate their affair. She had been the one to take him to bed. And the loss of respect from her friends was the least she deserved she would remind herself as she stared at her exhausted body every night before work.

Most of the cases she had gotten had be solo's and as she headed to her department issue Denali she could almost imagine her co-workers arguing about who would have to be 'stuck' with her. Occasionally she was given cases with Greg who had made it clear he wasn't going to disown her like everybody else had but those were no better. She realised that after everything they were struggling to communicate unless under the covers where words didn't matter.

Sara cast one last glance back at the people sitting around the table sipping steaming coffees saddened by the thought that she had become a pariah to the only family she had ever known.

"I can't believe she's still here..." Catherine snorted taking a sip of her coffee once she knew Sara was out of ear shot.

"She made a mistake, let it go." Greg retorted the anger he felt towards his colleagues and friends for treating one of their own the way they had been treating Sara evident. He stood up leaving the room to get started on his case.

Morgan followed him out; she had largely remained silent on the 'Sara issue' deciding that she did not know her enough to be able to make judgments like the others. She also had decided not to get on Greg's bad side.

"Greg...I was wondering...What are you up to tonight?" She asked running her hand through her blonde hair leaning against the counter at which Greg was working.

"Nothing actually..." He shrugged knowing that it was a lie- there was no doubt that would be at his door drunk and most probably wanting sex. "...and sorry about the other night something...came up

"That's fine I understand..." Morgan paused a moment not knowing whether she wanted to go ahead with what she had planned on asking or not. With a deep breath she realised that there was no harm in trying- they were both single and with the sorts of hours they working meeting people was always a difficult task. The 'date' they had planned had seemed to have friendly connotations but she realised that she would regret not giving things with Greg a chance. "I was wondering if you wanted to get a drink with me."

"Yeah...sure" Greg found himself replying before he had a chance to think things through. One drink wouldn't hurt he reminded himself. He attempted to remember the last time he'd been out of his own volition.

"That sounds great...I have the perfect place in mind." She beamed turning to leave. Greg couldn't help but find himself feeling hopefully, it had been such a long time since he'd just let go and relaxed his life had become consumed by Sara's depression.

The rest of the shift seem to pass in a haze of results, evidence and suspects Greg hadn't seen Sara all day but he attempted to convince him not to be worried about her. She was a grown woman. She could look after herself- she had told him so enough times during her drunken rants.

Morgan met him in the locker room and he decided to leave with her checking his phone to make sure Sara hadn't called him.

"I can't believe you picked a place like this..." Greg raised his eyebrows looking at the flashing lights, brightly coloured drinks and the almost teenage crowd.

"What's wrong with it?" Morgan responded quickly becoming comfortable in the atmosphere.

"Er...almost everything." Greg nodded, smirking at her.

"You have been spending too much time with Brass...Get with it Greg...you're young...you've still got a lot of fun to have." She teased.

"I can have fun" Greg protested, swallowing the questionable blue liquid in the bottle she had passed to him.

It seemed like only yesterday he was being referred to as the crazy lab tech that did nothing but have fun. He wondered when he had grown up, when life had gotten to him and made him into the serious CSI he now was.

"Prove it" Morgan smirked, quirking an eyebrow towards the bucking bronco in the corner. Even when he was fun he wouldn't have come to a place like this but he was surprised to find that he wanted to impress Morgan, he wanted her to enjoy their time together.

"Is that a dare?" he smiled, knocking back the rest of the bottle and heading to the massive bull filled with the false bravado induced by alcohol. When he had been thrown back and forth and upside down by the bull, his body was bruised and his pride dented but the beaming smile Morgan granted him with when he returned almost made it worth it.

"That was...something else Greg" she smiled, passing him another drink and Greg realised that he was in fact having fun. It had been so long since he had laughed, and joked and made a real fool of himself he had forgotten how good it felt.

"I'd like to see Hodges ride a bull like that Morgan!" he grinned, relaxing in her company.

"That would make two of us" she smiled tapping her bottle against his in agreement.

They sat at the bar ordering drinks with strange names talking about their lives in California and it was as if they had known each other forever the comfort level something Greg had never anticipated. He could only think of one other person he had never been this comfortable with from the offset...

He and Morgan said their goodbyes going in their separate directions and as Greg made his way back to his car he wondered when he had forgotten what it felt like to be on a first date.

When had he stopped wanting to find someone to love properly- someone who loved him back?

As Greg parked the car he could see the shadowy figure huddled by the door. Sara. He knew who it was before he'd even gotten out of the car amongst the drinks and the conversation he almost forgotten that she would call round- that she would need him.

"Sara..." He approached her but she was staring off into the distance not acknowledging that he was there. Greg slowly helped her to her feet noting the shrubby and dirt that had attached itself to her clothes.

"What happened?" He asked his eyes wide with worry.

"I fell..." Her voice was strained and from the sounds of it, it hurt to talk but even without more words he knew she was lying. Greg carried her inside and like a rag doll she collapsed into the sofa that he put her down on.

He disappeared to put the kettle on flicking the light switch as he left the room but once he'd returned and could see Sara's clothes properly he could feel the panic rising in his throat; the worst possible images seemed to stand out in his mind.

"Sara...please...Tell me what happened..." He crouched down before her taking her ice cold hands into his own.

"Nothing...Nothing happened..." She attempted to assure him but her voice was weak. There was an odd emotion glinting in her eyes making him feel uneasy.

"Come on...let's get you cleaned up..." He muttered to her picking her up in his arms again carrying her to the bathroom.

Greg began filling the tub propping Sara up on the edge while he found the right soaps. He helped her take off her clothes and held her hand as she clambered into the water. Her knees were scrapped and the bruises marked her skin up. They ran down her back, legs and arms like a bizarre road map of hurt.

Sara rested her head against the back of the tub her eyes watching him carefully as he observed her thin frame.

"I hope you had fun tonight..." She whispered placing a hand on his. Greg nodded wishing he'd said no- that he'd been there for Sara when she'd needed him. Unbuttoning the cuffs on his shirt he rolled up the sleeves carefully lathering her body with the soaps he'd found his eyes full of concern.

"Did someone hurt you?" He asked realising that he didn't know how to ask. They had been trained so many times on how to talk to victims but he realised that he didn't know what to do when it was someone he knew- someone he cared about.

"Some guy asked for a roll in the hay...I didn't know he actually meant hay...Funny phrase isn't it. I wonder if many people had sex in barns..." She shrugged her hand slowly removing the debris from her hair.

Greg just watched her not knowing what to do or say to her confession- not knowing whether to believe her when all of his experience was telling something different. He wondered if that unreadable emotion in her eye had been from indignity.

"I wasn't hurt...He didn't force me its okay. I decided to have sex with him." She assured him her voice cracking slightly.

"That's not the point..." Greg shook his head wondering if Sara's self esteem really had hit rock bottom that she would sleep with the first guy that asked her to.

"Are you mad at me?" She was looking up at him wide eyed- she was terrified by the prospect of losing him.

"I'm not mad..." He sighed- his hands returning to her body washing away the soap suds. "You don't owe me anything Sara...I just...I worry about you. Next time just call me...okay?"

She nodded picking herself up slowly kneeling in the tub kissing him softly her hands in his jaw making his skin damp but he didn't seem to care. As Sara pulled away she could see something in her eyes that had been building for some time now- exhaustion.

"You're too good to me Greg..." She whispered kissing him again hoping to hold on to what they had first built this relationship on. She wanted him to feel the same shivers he had done the first time they had kissed and look at her with the same awe he had done the first time they had gone to bed.

But a bittersweet knowledge that perhaps they would never recapture the feelings those moments brought settled in as she tried to convince herself to do the things that would make Greg happy like he had once been.

That night Sara didn't leave she stayed beside Greg. She pulled on the clothes he'd given her letting him tease her for how awkward they looked on her thin frame. She let him wrap his arms around her listening to the sound of his heart beat as he held her close.

With closed eyes Sara silently confessed how much she felt for Greg into their embrace as they fell asleep tangled together.


	4. Chapter 4

Again- huge thank you for all the feedback it really does mean a great deal- things have been crazy at work (as usual *rolls eyes*) so I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to reply to your reviews but please keep them coming I love hearing what you all think!

**Wanderlust**

**(Three) **

The sun poured through the windows gently waking Sara and the first thing that hit her that morning was how right it felt to wake up with Greg. He looked so serene; close eyed and calm. His arms were firmly wrapped around her waist holding her against him as her head was tucked into the curve of his neck.

Sara took a deep breath inhaling his scent attempting to memorise it just so that she could remember these moments with every sense. Greg stirred slightly turning to face her- his arms not leaving her waist. His eyes slowly opened and his expression seemed to soften as he took the details of her watching him.

"Morning..." he mumbled kissing her forehead softly not wanting to let her go. Greg could barely count the number of time he had imagined what it would be like to wake up with Sara beside him knowing that there was nowhere else they had to be, that she didn't belong to anyone else and they were not simply just a consequence of adultery.

"I've missed you..." Sara whispered to him. She didn't bother explaining kissing him gently on the lips bringing her body parallel to his. It was another thing that surprised Greg- she had hardly been tender with him.

"I was right here..." Greg frowned not understanding what she was trying to say.

"In body...In mind you were millions of miles away..." She muttered tracing the curve of his neck with her fingertips, her hand resting finally on his shoulder curling around the firm muscle.

"I was dreaming about you..." He replied kissing her again- their lips slowly brushing against each other's as their bodies remained tangled together.

"Tell me about it..." Sara asked watching his eyes clouded slightly as he attempted to recall the fine details about his subconscious.

"We were in Italy...and it was really warm, we were drinking white wine in a bar somewhere but for some reason I couldn't hear you...I kept trying to listen but there was no sound..." Greg shrugged not wanting to psychoanalyse the significance.

"We could to Italy someday...if that's what you want" Sara smiled imagine what it would be like to travel the world with Greg by her side- how they would trot the globe collecting memories and stories.

"I don't care where I am...as long you're there..." He seemed to be in a slight daze as if he were still dreaming finding it hard to believe that Sara was still there. "Can I make love to you?" Greg asked quietly his hand stroking her hip; Sara simply just nodded settling in his arms.

Greg lazily undressed her; his hands tracing her outline as if attempting to paint a picture within his memory. They took it slowly than they ever had before not rushing or grasping at each other simply just letting their bodies melt together silently giving themselves to one another.

The sun light danced across their bodies as their fingers tangled together against the crisp linen exchanging lingering kisses. Sara's small sighs leaving their mark in the thick air as Greg moved over her- kissing her neck. Blood coursed through their veins and their hearts pounded against their ribcages as they performed the age old rhythm of joining bodies. Sharing a heavy kiss they collapsed into the oblivion they knew would come at the end of their entanglement.

"We should go somewhere..." Sara suggested once their breathing had slowed down and the room had returned to the stillness it had previously enjoyed. It had been a question that had been lingering in her mind for a long time- what if things were different- what if they were somewhere else?

"Where do you want to go?" Greg asked turning onto his side- prepared to go to the moon and back if it would make Sara happy- if that was what she wanted.

"The beach..." Sara followed suit facing him with a sleepy gaze. Even though most of her childhood had been shadowed by dark memories she could recall standing on the edge of the shore watching the sunset over California wondering if life would get better. She had held a sea shell in her tiny hands wishing upon stars, or whatever powers there were, for everything to fall into place.

"Let's go" He took her hand into his own kissing her palm; he cared for her so much that it hurt.

The sun beat down on them as they drove to the beach- Greg's car seemed to provide them with their very own cocoon the world melting into a haze outside of the windows. The only thing they could focus on was each other. Sara rested her head against the passenger side window her eyes watching Greg as her hair moved in the breeze about her glinting copper in the sunlight, she had unreadable smile on her lips.

"What?" Greg asked wondering what it was that had kept her eye focused on him; the Sara he had gotten to know in the past few months had barely made eye contact with him.

"I'm trying to memorise you..." She replied with her infamous half smile.

"You don't need to...I'm never going to leave." He assured her.

"Everyone has to leave at some stage...Nothing lasts forever." She muttered picking the fraying edges of her jeans.

"We can try" Greg smiled softly at her recognising just how much she had been hurt before. He knew that he never wanted to be that person- he never wanted to leave her with a broken heart. And after everything that they had been through he wanted to believe that they could do it, that they could still be in love after everything.

They reached Laguna Beach in the dusky hours; the sky was above them in violets and indigoes stretching across the ocean like old companion. The beach around them was deserted by the usual crowds of the day. Sara's fingers were tangled with Greg's as they stood watching each wave coming in crashing against the sand captivated by the continuing motion of the water.

Greg laid a blanket out and they settled down together, their bodies sinking into the soft sand underneath them. There seemed to be thousands more stars here, in the city their light never reached them, overpowered by the neon skyline. Greg pointed out constellations, speaking softly about the stories attached to them as she watched him in the darkness.

"…he loved her so much he mounted her crown with seven of the most precious jewels in the world and that's why it's called Ariadne's Crown"

She realised she hadn't been listening to what he was saying, she had been intently studying the way his lips curled into a smile as he spoke and how even in the darkness his eyes seemed to sparkle. She did however know the legend; it was all about losing the one you thought you loved with all your heart and eventually finding out that your heart really belonged to someone else all along.

Sara was fully aware of the things Greg was attempting to silently confess to her but she realised that she didn't know how to respond. All of those things that she knew she needed to say didn't seem to settle on her tongue.

"It's a beautiful story" she muttered, resting her head on his chest and feeling his heart beat beneath his shirt.

"Sometimes…the person you start loving isn't always the one you keep loving…"His words seemed to hover in the air, taking on a significance they couldn't have predicted. Greg pulled himself to a seating position and looked right into her eyes. He was searching her soul for an answer, for a glimmer of hope in their situation but she wasn't totally sure she could give it to him.

"Greg…" she began, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves.

"I don't need you to say you love me Sara…I know you're not ready for that… I need to know that you could"

She shook her head slowly, suddenly wishing she wasn't in this situation at all. That she could go back to the place where they had been before when it was easy and fun. But it struck her that she could lose him. That after all of this time Greg was still wearing his heart on his sleeve wanting nothing more than for Sara to feel the same way.

It dawned on Sara that this one line could decide their future.

"I think I could learn to love you..." The words came out in a breathlessly rush as Sara tried to hold on to the only thing she had left.

Greg closed the space between them kissing her until they couldn't breathe his hands tangled in her hair bringing her closer to him. He pulled away looking into her eyes and Sara realised that the lie had been worth seeing that glint back- it was worth seeing Greg feel hope.

"I just want to make you happy..." He said quietly as if they were sharing a secret.

"You do..." Sara nodded. That wasn't a lie. Greg did make her happy. He made her feel things that she had never expected to feel. When she was in his arms there was no other place she could think to be.

Greg made her feel more loved than anyone ever did but that scared her. Every time she let someone in, every time she allowed herself to feel love for someone she always ended up getting hurt. Her life had been one long list of romantic disasters.

Sometimes Sara would find herself wondering if she enjoyed the heart break- if a twisted part of her deep down knew that no one would love her if they knew what she was really like. So with the same self fulfilling prophecy she would sabotage it all. The way she had done with Grissom and all of the men that been there before him.

She couldn't be sure it wouldn't end the same way with Greg. There was something about her that somehow pushed everyone away even when all she wanted to do was pull them closer. She had destroyed everything she had with Grissom; she had claimed to love him and taken someone else to bed every night.

She couldn't do that to Greg.

The way she was treating him was probably no better, he would probably be the one who got hurt, one day he was going to wake up and realize what was going on but she had to protect herself from ever feeling that way again.

But here in their paradise by the sea she didn't have to deal with the accusing stares of their co-workers or the memories that haunted at every turn. Here she could pretend to be like any other loving couple watching the stars. She would do anything she could to keep him, she would say anything he wanted to hear but she couldn't fall in love.

They made love under the stars their bodies throbbing with the possibilities of science and passion. Greg silently spoke of how he was Sara's as he kissed her with every slow thrust of his body into hers. It never ceased to amaze him how much he wanted her; to feel her breath, to hold her. Her eyes shone up at him as her body unravelled a gasp soon followed by his name escaping into the cool ocean breeze being carried away towards the sky. His senses were as overwhelmed as the first time when every muscle in her body tightened, pleasure running through every cell. Sara closed her eyes, her lips parted as she crossed her legs behind his back holding him against her so he could feel her orgasm ripple through her the aftershocks slowly setting in dragging Greg down like the waves.

He planted a heavy kiss on her lips his whole body willing her to be his.

"I never want to let you go"


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you all for reading and review it really does mean a great deal.

Please keep the review coming I love hearing what you all think about this story!

For those of you in England at the moment hope you're enjoying the sun- for those of elsewhere hope you're having plenty of sun too!

**Wanderlust **

**(Four) **

The sun set on their Californian escape and they found themselves having to drive back to Las Vegas with heavy hearts. Things would be different once they had returned to Sin City- they would be plagued by the judging eyes of their co-workers, the ghosts that haunted every corner of their existence.

Greg saw Sara was sleeping softly in the passenger side, curled up into a ball with her head resting on the door. Every so often Greg would find himself glancing at her, memorizing the way her lips curled slightly and her nose crinkled, amazed by just how in love with her he was.

All of those years ago when he'd met Sara he had never imagined that those feelings that had flooded his body would remain as clear in his memory as yesterday. He had never fallen so fast, so hard for anyone else before. As Greg watched her eye lashes flutter while she dreamt he realised that perhaps he never would.

It saddened him to see her so exhausted, so broken. Guilt was an ever present emotion when he thought about the pain she suffered. The fall out of their adultery hadn't been fair- Sara had been bearing the burden alone- she had been silent about his involvement. Even when it would have been easier for her share the heartache, even when it would have made sense to reveal everything to the people they worked with. He wanted more than anything to be able to save her. He wanted to make her happy.

Sara shifted slightly in her seat her eyes opening slowly taking in the view outside of the window as they drove through the Las Vegas streets.

"We're back already..." She said her throat dry as she attempted to adjust to being conscious. He simply just nodded turning on to her road knowing that after their trip Sara would want to go home and attempt to reboot before returning to a normal routine.

"We are..." Greg smiled parking carefully outside of her house- turning his body to face hers as she woke herself up fully to what was happening.

"You look tired..." Sara mumbled gently brushing a hand across her cheek. "Put the coffee on...We only have a few hours till shift starts."

Greg could feel his heart skip if beat as the invitation she had presented to him sunk in- after all of this time she was willingly asking him to come into her house- the very place they had been caught out. He took a quick breath climbing out of his car following her towards the door before she changed her mind.

"I'm just going to go change...I'll be right down. There is no way I'm going to be able to get all of the sand out of these jeans..." She told him as she climbed up the stairs shouting over her shoulder at him.

"Well it was your idea to go to the beach!" Greg shouted back making attempting to make himself familiar with his surroundings again. He wandered into the kitchen placing the coffee pot on eyeing the trinkets Sara still had covering her walls; small things that he recognised as hers.

Greg climbed up the stairs taking the house in for all of the small details before stepping carefully into Sara's bedroom. She was standing by the wardrobe in a Deff Leppard t-shirt and shorts tying her hair into a knot.

She didn't look at him as he slowly approached her wrapping his arms around her waist placing kisses on her neck.

"Stop it Greg..." Sara mumbled the words under her breath her hands slowly leaving her hair.

"We've got ages until shift starts..." Greg muttered huskily into her ear pulling her body flush against his. He kissed her passionately moving them both back towards the bed before they collapsed as tangled limbs.

Greg's lips moved from Sara's lips to her neck again his hands moving over her body like wild fire. But instead of settling in his arms like he had expected her to Sara's hands were on his shoulders as small protests escaped her lips. His warmth was covering her overwhelming her senses as she attempted to think straight.

"Greg..." Sara tugged at his shirt attempting to grasp control. "Stop it..." Her hands were on his chest pushing him away with as much force as she could muster. "Greg...Stop!"

He suddenly stilled remaining on top of her pausing a moment before he pulled away standing at the end of the bed with a mix of confusion and concern. Sara climbed to her feet straightening out her shirt with trembling hands.

"What's wrong?" Greg asked his hands gently cupping her face- forcing her to meet his eye.

"I can't do it...here...its wrong." She explained nervously realising that he was bound to protest.

"It's not like we haven't done it in here before..." Greg found himself saying without thinking. He knew immediately that he had said the wrong thing, her eyes flashed with a strange mixture of anger and regret.

"And remember what happened last time?" Sara gave an exasperated sigh moving away from him towards the door. He could hear her walking downstairs and realising his mistake Greg quickly followed.

"Sara...I'm sorry..." he began as he tried to figure out what to stay to Sara to make things better between them.

She was standing at the kitchen sink a glass of water in her hand looking out of the window- her back to him as she attempted to lose herself in thoughts of something else.

"I know...I just can't go in there..." Sara gave up on avoiding the conversation but still refused to turn to him. "I can't even sleep in that room."

"I know...it's hard to let go. Maybe you need to move out. Get some space from it all..." He desperately searched his conscious for a solution, a way to fix this once and for all. Greg took a deep breath giving into an impulse. "Move in with me..."

"I can't." Sara frowned slightly as she took a sip of her water before replying to him realising that it was hard for Greg to understand why she couldn't let go of all the things that had happened in this very house.

"Why not?" He tried to understand- he thought they were trying to work things out. The time they had spent together had seemed to revive so much of the hope he had for their relationship.

"Because...this is my home. I can't just leave it." She shrugged.

"And that's your bed but you don't sleep in it." He retorted. "You need to start moving on...It'll eat you up if you don't. One day you're going to wake up in this house and realise that you're on your own"

"It's not that easy Greg. We broke his heart- you saw the way he looked that me that night- you saw how much he hated me when he left. I destroyed everything I built- I can't just walk away from it like it's nothing..." She wanted him to see what she was trying to say but from the defiance in his gaze it was more than clear that he was ready to put up a fight.

"It...Is...Nothing" Greg took a deep breath realising that by saying those words he had realised Sara's worst fears he had reinforced that everything had changed and that it was not going to return to what she had wanted from her life. "He's gone. He's not coming back..."

"You don't know that" She snapped back immediately wanting to take those the words back. She saw the hurt in Greg's eyes, she knew that all he wanted from her was for her to be happy, that was be what all he ever wanted from her but he couldn't accept that maybe he couldn't give that to her.

"If that's what you want- then why are we still doing this?" Greg could feel his head spin as he began considering the things Sara was saying to him. "If you want him then why are you still fucking me?"

"Don't go there Greg, just leave it" she replied with a sigh tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"No I'm not going to leave it... what are we doing here Sara? Because I don't have a clue what you want from me" His hands curled up into fists as he approached her slowly.

"I want you... to be everything he wasn't. I want you to make me forget!" Sara replied honestly knowing that the words would hurt him.

"How can I do that when every time I look at you- you think about him...when every time I touch you- you pretend it's still him..." Greg accused.

"That's not true..." She shook her head turning away from him not being able to look him in the eye, his vision burning into her back.

"Really... because that's not what it feels like. You're just scared that someone loves you... properly... not the way he did" Greg persisted knowing that Sara wouldn't talk to him until he forced the words past her lips.

"I am scared... I'm scared to break you. I'm scared of seeing you look at me the way he did. I'm scared to let go of everything I had because then what am I left with?" Sara turned to face him, tears stinging her eyes as she looked at him searching for the Greg she knew.

"Why can't you just trust me? Yourself? Why does everything have to be so difficult all the time?" Greg was exhausted and all of the questions that came rushing past his lips just seemed to reinforce that.

"Go Greg..." She croaked her voice caught in her throat. "Leave..."

"Sara...Listen to me..." But instead of listening she was pushing him towards the door tears unceremoniously falling from her eyes as she did so.

"Leave me alone Greg...Just go..." She stopped stepping back watching him everything crumbling all over again.

She pressed the door closed, blocking out his pleading eyes. For a few long seconds she pressed her head against the cool wood of the door, her hand still resting on the handle as though she was waiting for him to knock. She could picture him standing out there wrestling with his own emotions, trying to figure out how to help her. The truth was Greg couldn't help her at all, nobody could.

She needed to forget about all of this, her brain throbbed inside her head from the pressure and her tears burned as they snaked down her cheeks. Greg was probably right, she was being ridiculous holding onto Grissom like this but she wasn't ready to let him go yet. With trembling legs she stumbled across the kitchen and attacked her drinks cabinet. It wasn't as well stocked as it had been in the past, the bottles lined along the wall were mostly empty and she realised she had needed to forget a lot of things lately. Filling a glass with some left over Brandy she quickly knocked the liquid down her throat, relishing the warmth that slowly coated her insides and enveloped her in its embrace.

She recognised she was playing a dangerous game toying with alcohol this way but when it came down to it she knew that she needed to forget. She needed to forget about the emptiness that consumed her soul every moment; she needed to forget about the sorrow she had seen in Grissom's eyes or the heartache she caused in Greg's. She needed to escape from reality and pretend to be someone else for a while. She clumsily filled another glass with whatever she found in the cabinet, clutching the bottle close to her body as she glanced around her big empty home with tears shining in her eyes.

This place held so many memories for her. It had once been filled with so much love and happiness; there had been a time when she simply couldn't stop a smile from crossing her face simply because she was home in her sanctuary, in their cocoon. Now as she glanced around at those same walls even the happy memories seemed to goad her. The only sanctuary she could find was at the bottom of a bottle where the broken down and empty woman she had become vanished and she could be anyone she wanted to be.


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you all for reading/reviewing- please keep letting me know what you think!

**Wanderlust**

**(Five) **

Sara felt herself sink into the kitchen chair the brandy settling on her tongue like an old companion. She knew Greg was right and that was hurt the most. Sara was fully aware of the fact that she needed to let Grissom go because he wasn't going to come back. It was time to move on and attempt to rebuilt her life but for some reason she couldn't seem to change. She had destroyed everything and now she was on the verge of losing Greg.

Her phone was on the table and a part of her wanted to pick it up and call Greg- tell him she was sorry- promise she would do her best to let go of the past. But for some reason she couldn't form the words. Sara picked up the bottle walking up the stairs towards the main bedroom- the very room where the start of this tragedy had taken place.

She took a swing from the bottle before throwing the wardrobe doors open yanking at the hangers removing Grissom's clothes from their place of rest. She threw them on to the bed realising that she had no idea what she would do with his things.

Polishing off the bottle she clambered down the stairs in search of something in which she could pack her ex-husband's belongings. Finding an empty cardboard box Sara began in the living room throwing Grissom's things in the one by one taking a swing from her brandy each time. Old books, trinkets that he had not asked for that played the role of reminder of their heart break lingering in a place she realised she could not feel at home.

Every item she picked up reminded her of a time when she had everything- when there hadn't been a reason to drink or to push people away.

A part of her wondered if after everything she had never deserved to have it all- that life in a twisted way had wanted to screw her over one last time before she drunk herself to the early grave in which she had expected to see herself a long time ago. Sara had always expected that it would end this way.

Images of her childhood flashed before her eyes as she recalled the smell of whiskey on her father's breath as he shook her like rag doll, attacked her mother and her without mercy. As a child she had always wondered why he would swallow the poison that made him that man.

But now she wondered if those years would have been any better had he chosen sobriety.

Deep down Sara wanted to blame her parents for who she was, who she had let herself become. She had never known what it felt like to be loved- she had never been taught how to love. However she knew that all of her problems had been caused by her own decisions.

That thought, itself, forced her to take a swing from the bottle polishing off the last of the brandy.

Finding her coat and handbag Sara disappeared out of the door struggling to lock it as she went. She needed to escape- she needed to be someone else.

The bar she had been dropped off at was not the type of place she would have usually decided to spent her time but as Sara leant back in her bar stool she didn't care. She needed to get out of her own head for the night- pretend that things were different. She indicated towards the bar tender to bring her another drink.

Sara rested her head in her hands closing her eyes as she waited for another glass to be placed in front of her. She was exhausted but being here was better than being at home with all of the memories and reminders of her mistakes.

"You've had one of those days too?" A deep voice she did not recognise asked.

Sara lifted her head up to see a man standing beside her. He was tall and lean, his features defined but not particularly chiselled. His short dark hair had clearly been carefully styled at some point but the traces of a hard day at the office were obvious, his loosened shirt and tie stashed in his pocket suggested he had left in a hurry. He looked at her with deep, analysing eyes, a clear almost turquoise colour that reminded her of the ocean. She found herself scanning his form and searching his strong hands for traces of a ring. A man like this was bound to be married- she thought to herself- but her eyes failed to find a wedding band.

The bar tender placed the small glass of fiery liquid down for her and hoping to ignore the man who had now slipped into the seat beside her Sara took a sip.

"Brandy? I thought I'd be drinking alone tonight." He gave her a charming smile. "I'm Christian"

"Look...I'm not really looking for a drinking buddy." She replied shortly not wanting to waste his time.

"That's good, because neither am I..." He wouldn't stop smiling and as much as Sara hated admitting it he was getting under her skin. "Just tell me your name"

"Sara" She replied shortly.

"I dated a Sara once. She left me for a Brandy too." Christian mused as he made himself comfortable ordering a drink for himself.

"I am supposed to feel sorry for you?" Sara asked, quirking an eyebrow in his direction.

"If you want to..." He shrugged.

"Well I don't" She replied bluntly taking a sip from her drink.

"Come on...let me buy you one drink...and if you hate me I'll leave you alone." Christian muttered in a persuasive tone.

"One drink" Sara replied shortly turning her body partially to face him making it clear that impressing her was not going to be an easy task- she most certainly wasn't in the mood.

But as he liquored her up Sara found herself opening up to his bad jokes and attempts to impress her. She realised that in a strange way she enjoyed his attention. He didn't know who she was- what she'd done. And she liked that.

"So how about I take you home..." He whispered to her.

"I live on the other side of town" Sara explained standing up slowly to find she was unsteady on her feet.

"Come back to mine...for a night cap." Christian offered her his hand and without thinking about it Sara took it- letting him lead her out of the club.

His apartment was fairly big; large windows provided a view of the strip while inside chrome and marble seemed to make up most of the furnishings. Christian handed Sara a glass of wine giving her some time to take a few sips before he stepped towards her making the move that he had clearly been anticipating all night.

He removed the wine glass from her hand silently placing in on the coffee table, moving his hands to her waist his eyes focused on her lips. He lingered for a few moments before he closed the space between them kissing her passionately. Sara realised she couldn't stop herself- she kissed him back.

Christian led her to his bed room removing her clothes with little regard to her actions as she barely responded to his touch. She was acting like a rag doll and he didn't seem to care- from the glint in his eye it was almost as if he preferred it that way.

He laid her down on the bed muttering into her ear as he rolled on top of her taking the very thing he had spent all of this evening trying to achieve. Sara kept her eye closed shutting her mind off to the thoughts she knew she would start focusing on the moment it was over as he forcefully thrusted into her.

As much as she didn't want to think about Greg her mind wouldn't stop wandering to the way she was betraying him. A part of Sara had always expected that she would hurt him. Tonight was the type of night she had imagined and the feeling she experienced were nothing short of empty.

With a small sigh Sara closed her eyes attempting to lose herself in the fast paced rhythm of deceit Christian had chosen. And as quickly as all of this had come to be- it came crashing down to a breathless halt as his body stilled over her overwhelming her as the heat of his skin entrap her.

"That was incredible," Christian rolled into the space next to her breathing heavily and even though Sara knew she couldn't agree she simply just hummed in response her eyes focused on the ceiling- she couldn't detach the feel of him from her skin.

He turned to his side falling asleep almost immediately leaving Sara alone with her thoughts- she pulled the duvet up to cover herself. She'd made a bad decision coming here she knew that but she realised that there was no going back now.

With a deep breath she pulled herself up climbing out of the bed in search of her clothes. Once she was fully dressed Sara found herself standing by the door watching as Christian slept. He was just another man she had used in order to stop herself from feeling empty- just someone else she had used to reinforce all of the things she already knew about herself.

She needed a cigarette. The thought preoccupied her mind as she ran her fingers through her hair attempting to clear organise herself to disappear.

Her eyes scanned the room and she spotted Christian's suit jacket hanging on a chair by the door, he had offered her a cigarette earlier she was sure of it. She crept across the room, keen not to wake the man sleeping on the bed in fear of having to face up to what she'd done.

Sara was most certainly was not prepared for awkward post coital conversation. From the small amount of talking they had done that evening it became very clear that they had close to nothing in common. She recognised that he probably didn't care- this was clearly common practice for him. Picking up lonely women in a bar and using them like they were an object in order to resolve whatever frustrations he felt in his everyday life. At the time it may have been what she wanted but now there was nothing to redeem this situation at all. She felt nothing when she looked at him but shame and resentment, not for him but for herself.

Her hand felt the pockets, daintily slipping inside the sheer fabric and closing her hand around the small packet. Something small and metallic rattled against her nails. She caught her breath in her throat, her mind racing ahead of herself when she realised she knew what it was. It was cold against her skin as she withdrew her hand and stared at the gold band glinting in the moonlight from the window. Her chest was suddenly tight, her brain conjuring up images of his loving family waiting for him somewhere, wondering where he was and what he was doing. The thought was almost physically painful; she couldn't deal with the guilt of ruining another marriage. The ring fell to the floor as she left the apartment without turning back, heading out into the city as fast as her feet could carry her.

Sara found herself out a vacant street outside and as she looked around she soon realised that she had no idea where she was. She began walking hoping to come across a main road- somewhere she could get a cab but nothing seemed to appear.

Tear stinging her eyes she found her phone the battery dying she dialled the only number she could remember.

"I went home with some guy...and I have no idea where I am..." She began rambling hysterically through tears once he'd answered. "Greg...please can you come and pick me up..."


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you all for reading so far- please review- let me know what you think!

**Wanderlust**

**(Six)**

Greg felt a strange mix of panic and anger settle into his system as he drove to the vague location Sara had given him. She was drunk. It was obvious enough from her voice. As much as he wanted to save her from herself Greg realised he was exhausted. He could barely remember a time when he hadn't been saving Sara.

A part of him had wanted to stop the car and turn around- he didn't want to see her in the inevitable broken state she would be in.

She was sitting on the curb her head buried in her hands, her coat by her side, her dark hair hiding her from the world. It was the sound of his car that forced her to look up through her tear blurred vision. She looked broken and as much as Greg wanted to pull her into his arms and make all of this better the resentment that he had been feeling recently got the better of him.

"Get in" He growled slamming the divers side door roughly helping her off the floor; pulling her up by the wrist with little regard to whether the rest of her body followed.

"Greg I'm sorry..." Sara pleaded for him to listen but Greg ignored her as he climbed back into the car leaving her standing helplessly by the passenger side door. She climbed in hoping that he'd calm down by from the way he kept his eyes focused on the road it quickly became apparent this was not a mood she would easily be able to sooth. "Greg please...Look at me..."

"No Sara. I won't." He turned on the ignition bringing the car to life determined to get out of here- to take Sara home so he could be alone and think about all of the things that had gone wrong between them.

Sara fell silent sitting back resting her head against the dashboard- the tears not stopping as she attempted to wish the night away. But she knew that it wasn't enough to want things to change- she couldn't go back in time. And from the way Greg had gritted his teeth against the words that were obviously on in his mind only seemed to reinforce just how much she had hurt him, just how much she had messed up this time.

But after a few moments his expression softened, the car came to a halt at traffic lights and from the way he took a deep breath it was clear Greg was finally going to say something to her. And a part of Sara wanted to hear him shout, be angry because at least that way she knew that he hadn't given up on her- not yet.

"How could you do something like this Sara?" His voice was less angry- more disappointed and that was what hurt. "I thought we were getting somewhere. I'm trying really hard to understand. I can't keep doing this"

"It was a mistake..." She mumbled. "He...it...didn't mean anything"

"Then why..." Greg sounded exasperated as he attempted to understand why Sara had sabotaged everything.

"I don't know..." It was an honest answer- she couldn't understand why she had let herself be pulled into Christian's false charm.

"You don't know. People don't have sex with strangers for no reason Sara. You don't just do that." Greg shot back hurting him to know that what he had believed they had shared during their time in California had not been a promise that Sara had partaken in. It hit like a rainstorm in the desert when he realised he had the only one committing himself whole heartedly in his relationship.

"I...I just...made a mistake..." It was that- nothing more.

"Great- just a mistake. Did you even think about me?" The question came out with more venom than he had intended but Greg couldn't stop himself.

"I did..." Sara closed her eyes taking a deep breath before she began talking again. "And...I felt awful and if I could take it back I would Greg. I'd go back in time and stop it ever happening..."

"That doesn't make it better Sara..." Greg snapped acknowledging just how guilty she felt but making it clear that he wasn't going to let this slide. This was not going to be another thing they swept under the carpet in hopes that things between them would suddenly start working if they didn't honestly consider all of their problems. "It's not just you that you're destroying. You'll lose your job. Then what will you do? I spent over half the day creating lies about why you didn't show up today, Sara"

"Greg it won't happen again..." Sara continued hoping he would see that she wanted to be the woman he wanted- but for some reason she couldn't stop making these mistakes.

"I don't want to see you like this anymore, it's too hard..." He sounded tired. And it became clear that there wasn't going to be anger and fireworks Greg had gone past that point- he needed a break. He needed to get away from her.

"I'll change..." She attempted to cling to him- to the only thing she had left- but Sara could tell it was too late- she'd lost him. "I'll do anything..."

"I think it's time we faced up to the fact that we're not going to work anymore. Not like this." His voice cracked as the amount it hurt him to say those words sunk in.

"Greg...Please, don't leave me..." Sara begged him, moving towards him in her seat. She reached her hand to touch his face, placing kisses on her neck letting her hand slide down her torso towards their intended target. The touch of her hand only seemed to reinforce how empty between them had become. Instead of warming to her he wanted nothing but for Sara to stop trying to convince him. The last thing he wanted was to have sex with her.

"Sara- Stop it!" Greg pulled up on the side of the road, his head a cloud of confused thoughts. He pushed her away with a firm hand sending Sara in the passenger unsteadily her hands reaching too late to stop herself from colliding with the door.

"Sara...I'm sorry...I really am...but I just can't do this anymore" He was asking her to make this easy but after all of these years he should have known that it would never be simple. There was no way they could easily break this off- their connection, their love it had always been so intense. The things they felt for each other were more than something he could simply just abandon.

Sara took a deep breath looking at him while wanting to understand how defeated he was- she needed to know whether it was time to let go of this bittersweet love. Whether it was time to admit defeat and face that she had lost everything; that now not even Greg wanted to be on her side.

"Go" She whispered pushing the door open stepping out into the street not caring where she was because all she wanted was to be lost- to be somewhere no one knew her, knew the things she had done.

Sara knew Greg was right. They were both tired. They had both given up on trying to make this work a long time ago fooling themselves that they could be like other couples- that they could love each other in the way other people did.

But honestly- did they even know what love was?

She looked at his car taking a few steps forward away from him her head bowed abandoning him as she had always expected she would do one day. Sara had broken his heart, worn him down and left him by the road side.

"Sara... please let me take you home..." His car crept beside her the window slowly coming down as he asked her to get in.

She shook her head her eyes focused on the path ahead of her not wanting to look at him knowing that his darkened eyes would stop her in her tracks. That she'd want to give in- to force them to continue doing this because after everything she didn't want to know what it was like to be alone again.

"Just go Greg" Her voice came out in a hoarse whisper.

"I'm not leaving you here..." He sounded desperate.

Sara stood still for a moment everything she had mustered escaping her as she threw herself back into the now stationary car. She pulled Greg towards her kissing him on the lips for what she swore would be the last time. Greg kissed her back with all of the passion he could muster holding her hand as they melted together for a few peaceful moments.

"I love you Greg. I love you so much that sometimes I think I don't know what I'd do without you. But that's not right- I need to learn to survive. And we're exhausted we can't do this to ourselves any more. Greg..." She slowed down fresh tears stinging her eyes as she breathlessly attempted to explain herself to him. "...You're going to meet someone who deserves you one day. Someone who can love you the way you love them. That person's not me. And after all of this time I'm walking away... I'm doing what we should have done a long time ago...please don't stop me."

Sara turned away climbing out of the car for the second time- she slammed the door shut standing defiantly watching Greg asking him to make his move. He didn't want to leave- that much was clear as he waited still for Sara to change her mind. Clenching her fist tighter she mouthed the word 'go' at him and after a few minutes Greg did something he had never imagined doing- he left.

He could see her still standing there in his rear view mirror and it broke his heart as it sunk in that he'd let her go. He had always wanted to be the man that fought for her- that saved her but he realised that this time he was too tired. They had fought so many battles together but there was so much more and for the first time he realised that perhaps he couldn't keep up. It felt as if they were drowning- he couldn't save the both of them. Not this time.

A lump built up in Sara's throat as she watched the headlights of his car growing ever smaller in the distance. And once he'd taken a turn she realised that this was it. She was completely alone- Greg had gone. She had pushed the last person that cared about her away.

She could feel herself crumbling- descending to the pavement in tears her heart in her throat as she let all of the tears out mourning him. Her hands shook as she wrapped herself up in her coating feeling every ounce of faith abandoning her body.

Things had slowly been crumbling over the past few months but looking around now she could honestly say that everything had fallen apart. All of the things she had pinned her hopes on had disappeared into oblivion and she had hit rock bottom.

It was all over.


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you all for reading, hope you all like this- please read/review- I love hearing what you think.

This was painful for me...oh so painful.

**Wanderlust**

**(Seven) **

**(Two Months Later) **

Greg carefully took Morgan's hand in his own and led her through the tree's, glancing back at her every so often to make sure her blindfold was still in place. He could sense the hesitation in her grip as little pebbles and branches slipped under her feet but he held her tight and continued on his journey.

"No peeking" he declared for the fiftieth time since they had left the LVPD parking lot. It was important- this was a surprise- one he had been planning for the past week.

"I'm not peeking, I'm terrified! But I'm not peeking!" she grinned, adjusting the silk scarf he had placed over her eyes before she ventured into his car. It had taken her some time but Morgan had slowly grown accustom to Las Vegas and in particular the people. Meeting Greg had relighted the hope she'd once had of being able to settle somewhere, to create a life and a home with someone.

Anticipation sparked in his mind as he glanced over at her smiling and happy. It had been a shock to him learning about her from scratch, experiencing the things new couples did, Greg had ever expected to enjoy all of these things. He had known Sara so well before they had crossed the line into love that everything had just fallen into place.

"Trust me?" he whispered, holding his face close to hers and making her breath tremble as she nodded. His sensitively had never stopped surprising her- the way he would consider small details and make plans in order to make every one of their encounters perfect. It had been a long time since she'd met a man like Greg.

A few moments later they broke through the thick undergrowth and Greg smiled at a job well done; he had been certain that she would have removed the blind fold during the car journey refusing to partake in playing games. But as he glanced at the woman beside him he realised that he had confused her responses and reactions for someone else's. He had expected her to be as often cruel as Sara had once been.

A picnic was laid out on the edge of a secluded clearing, a little patch of heaven away from the stress and burdens of daily life. The whole city glowed below them and the sun was beginning to set over the horizon bathing their patch of earth in its warm orange glow.

"Ok… are you ready?" he stood behind her, resting his hands on her waist and feeling her heart racing her anticipation seeping through to him. "Close your eyes"

Morgan did as she was instructed and Greg carefully unwound the scarf, stroking a strand of her blonde hair away from her eyes as he did so. He took a step away from her, holding her hand in his, waiting for the perfect movement.

"Can I open my eyes?" Morgan asked, trying to supress the smile tugging at her lips.

"Ok… open them" He said flippantly after everything, simply just excited for her to see where they would be spending a few peaceful hours together away from work, colleagues and the bustle of city life. When her eyes had adjusted to the light she looked around at his efforts a warm smile spreading across her face.

"Oh Greg… it's beautiful!" she muttered, wrapping her arms around his neck and meeting his lips enthusiastically. "Thank you..."

"You're welcome..." Greg replied rather bashfully, glad that she liked what he had created for them.

"This is rather impressive..." Morgan commented as she sunk onto the blanket waiting for Greg to join her, her eyes moving over the arrangement of food and the neon lights beaming in the distance as he approached her.

"I aim to please Miss Brody" he grinned, moving over to the picnic blanket and wrestling with the champagne bottle. "Something bubbly?"

"Don't mind if I do!" she smiled, holding out her champagne flute towards him and allowing her eyes to scan their surroundings carefully. "This place is amazing, how on earth did you find it?"

Greg's smile faltered for a second as he remembered sitting here watching the sunset with Sara what seemed like a lifetime ago. Romantic gestures were lost on her back then. They had decided to disappear and for the evening remained tangled together beneath the stars. Greg could still remember the sound of her breathing, the smell of her perfume as she lay with him lost in something they knew would never be able to recapture. Every moment with Sara had been bittersweet, he acknowledged his heart lurching as he forced all of the memories and thoughts away.

"It's just one of those places you stumble upon sometimes" he replied somewhat wistfully as he stared at the horizon; deep down he know it had been wrong of him to bring her here. This place had been someone else's before.

"You know I spoke to Sara today…" Morgan muttered as though sensing where his mind had gone. She had recognised the connection the two had shared early on, but tensions had recently been running high between the two. As curious as she was to finding out the reason why two such close friends had fallen out Morgan knew only too well how personal feuds between friends could be. She had taken a back seat- providing Greg with small amounts of information as to how Sara had been doing recently.

He hadn't spoken to Sara socially in over a month, which was a long time considering how close they had once been. He hadn't told Morgan about what happened between them, he hadn't told anyone in fact. He had expected Sara to do it. When she returned to work he was filled with a sense of dread as he waited for the fallout but nothing came. She kept quiet, just like she always had. She was protecting him from the torment she had suffered. And a part of him felt relief for the fact but the guilt would not fade.

"How's she doing?" Greg asked, trying to keep his voice deadpanned and uninterested, even though he could feel his heart jump into his throat.

"She asked about you…" Morgan was searching for his eye contact, eventually reaching out a hand to stroke his face "she's doing ok...she's moving out of her house..."

"Oh...that's good...I guess..." The memories that were trapped in that house were more than enough to drive a person insane, Greg thought. His heart sunk a bit as he recalled how quickly she had turned him down on the offer to move in but acknowledged deep down that time was what Sara had needed.

It always surprised him how Morgan knew how he was felling before he even knew himself. She was reassuring him about Sara without confirmation of their problems ever escaping his lips. He wondered if she knew just how much of his thoughts were monopolised by Sara. But guilty realised that it was wrong that Sara was still on his mind as if it were yesterday.

"Good" he declared in a non-committal voice "she deserves to be happy"

"So do you" Morgan whispered, winding his tie around her fingers and pulling him closer. He could taste the freshness of the champagne on her lips as she kissed him. Her skin was almost glowing in the dim light, the sunset capturing the golden tones in her hair and making them sparkle. She was a stark contrast to Sara, so light and fresh where Sara was dark and deep. It surprised him just how different a relationship could be.

"I am happy" he smiled "I have strawberries and champagne and the night off tomorrow, what more could a man want?"

Morgan's laugh echoed around the space as she tossed a strawberry in his direction.

"Should I just leave you and the champagne alone then?" she teased as he coaxed her onto the blanket gently moving his body over hers.

"Don't you dare" he growled under his breath as he rained kisses across her neck. Her skin was cold, he felt like he could count every Goosebumps as his hands skimmed across her body. Her curves had become familiar to him, he could map out the beauty spots that danced on her skin and yet it was Sara who consumed his mind as he worshipped her body.

He thought of the deep throaty groans that would escape Sara's lips as he kissed her neck, the feel of her hands smoothing across his back as she move against in him in perfect time. Greg recalled the way in which she would whisper in his ear, her husky voice sending tingles down his spine.

Greg forced his mind to break attempting to brush aside all of the thoughts that remained at the forefront of his mind after all of this time.

He peeled the shirt from her torso, exposing her body to his eyes and the sunset. The trust was evident in her wide eyes as she watched him. She trusted him more than he trusted himself- he realised. Greg tried to shake off the forbidden thoughts of Sara; he should be focussing on the woman in his arms.

Morgan was willing to give herself to him, body and soul and all he wanted was to be able to give her the same. It should have been easy, letting go of Sara had been his choice and it had been the right one. Physically she was gone from his life but emotionally he still wore the scars she had given him.

He had never fallen so hard for anyone before. The moment he'd met Sara, he had known that she was someone special. And it had been the truth. Their time together had forced him to feel things that he had never expected. She had changed him.

Morgan's legs wound around him and she rocked her hips against him. The way she clung to his body gasping for more made him tremble; the way their bodies danced together seemed so perfect that he knew he should be giving everything back to her. He could love Morgan, he was sure of it. All he had to do was let go of Sara.

They made love as the sun disappeared over the horizon, leaving them bathed in the darkness and gazing up at the stars as their breath became puffs of smoke. Morgan nestled into his chest, settling in his arms like she belonged there and Greg felt content. For the first time in a long time he could honestly say he was happy, he could relax and love and count the stars without waiting for the moment it would all be torn away.

Because deep down he knew if he chose Sara it would all disappear, it would be taken away and Greg realised he couldn't handle that anymore.


	9. Chapter 9

Hope you all like this chapter- please review- let me know what you think!

**Wanderlust**

**(Eight)**

Sara leant her head against the cool wall, closing her eyes ignoring the people moving past her, watching her awkward stance with judgemental glances. She could hear someone mutter under their breath about karma as they walked by the words resounding in her mind. Exhaustion washed over her body and as much as she wanted to hold herself together the tears stinging in her eyes gave up on hiding spilling past her eyelashes. She wrapped her arms around herself attempting to keep herself standing.

"Come here..." a gentle voice muttered to her. Sara didn't open her eyes letting Vartann pull her into his arms, rubbing her back in small circles in order to sooth her. Through everything he had been one of the people that had not changed how he looked at her or spoke to her. Even though they barely knew each other Sara had become thankful for his presence simply because he reminded her of who she had once been.

"Let me take you home..." He said in a low voice wrapping an arm firmly around her shoulder pulling her body against his leading Sara to the door. She rested her weight against him her feet barely moving as the tears cascading down.

As they walked through the jungle of desks that filled the PD offices Sara caught Greg's eye; he was standing beside Brass an open file in his hand. It was as if an electric shock had passed through her system. She found herself quickly looking away moving closer to Vartann; after everything she didn't want him to see her like this.

The day light seemed to blind her slightly as they made their way to his car. She found herself wanting to say something but the words were stuck in her throat refusing to turn to sound. They drove through the congested Las Vegas streets in silence, the air filled with deep breathes and heavy sighs.

"Thank you" Sara croaked finally realising that she didn't know how to explain and the only things that she could honestly say was how grateful she was.

"You're welcome..." Vartann paused turning to face her as the car slowed at some traffic lights. "...But seriously if you need anything all you have to do is ask"

"...I have a hard time asking for help..." She replied honestly looking out of the window as they neared her house.

"I understand..." He nodded knowingly pulling up the car in Sara's drive way waiting awkwardly for it to become clear what they should do now. She took a deep breath, wiping away the tears that had remained and turned to face him hoping to recapture the confidence she had once had.

"Would you like to come in for some coffee?" She asked nervously; it had been a long time since anyone had been to her house socially.

"Sure..." He nodded awkwardly climbing out of the car.

Vartann followed Sara to the front door looking around at the un-kept garden cautiously not wanting to make it too obvious that he had been worried about her for quite some time now. She led him inside indicating to the mess that surrounded them.

"Sorry about all of this..." Sara said in a low voice. "...I'm supposed to be moving out but I've been so busy...and this place isn't anywhere near ready to sell"

"Want some help?" Vartann asked on an impulse realising that after everything when he'd hit rock bottom the one thing that could have made things seem slightly better would have been a friend. Sara turned to face him with a confused expression.

"Uhm... if you have the time..." She tucked her hands into her pockets. "As you can see a lot needs to be done..."

"I have the time...and from the state of that garden it looks like you could use a hand." He gave her a smile.

"Insulting my gardening skills detective?" She gave him a weak smile leading him to the kitchen.

"Actually... yes I am" He nodded sitting himself down at the breakfast bar watching her put the coffee on. She pursed her lips at him, in a mannerism that he had learnt to recognise as Sara's.

"Milk? Sugar?" Sara asked realising that even though she had memorised Greg's coffee preferences like the back of her hand she still found that she needed to ask everyone else a hundred times or more to know their tastes.

"Milk- no sugar" Vartann smiled leaning back as he figured out how to word his concerns and worries in a way that would not scare Sara off. She placed a mug down in front of him, pushing it across the counter towards him.

"Sara...I know what it's like to lose everything because of your drinking..." He said slowly. "I lost my wife...my son...because I pushed everyone away"

"Lou..." Sara began but realised that she couldn't fight him; all of this time she had been standing aside watching as her life slowly fell apart and she lost everything.

"...But now things are back on track. I've rebuilt a relationship with my son...and I feel...happy..." He shrugged slightly not wanting to over step but realising that wasn't going to start healing until she was pushed in the right direction. "And it's going to be hard but it's worth it..."

"I just don't know where to start..." Sara mumbled her eyes focused on her hands as she picked at her nails.

"I...go to a really great AA group..." He watched her as she avoided eye contact. "...We'll be meeting tomorrow night if you want to come..."

Sara glanced up their eyes meeting across the table, silence surrounding them once again; she nodded.

"I can pick you up...if you want?" Vartann offered.

"That would be good..." Sara nodded again realising that the only way things were going to get better was if she tried to change them herself. Greg had fallen in love again- he had met someone that made him happy in a way she had never been able to; perhaps after everything it was time to move on.

"I should go...But if you need anything- just give me a call." He smiled at her, squeezing her hand before disappearing out of the kitchen leaving her alone with her thoughts.

Sara didn't know how she had managed it but the next day after work she had showered pulling on a fresh pair of clothes just in time for Vartann picking her up. Standing in the corner of the hall she watched as the other people milled around chatting animatedly to each other.

"Doughnut?" Vartann offered her one with a small smile.

"I'm good..." She attempted to act casual but it was more than obvious she was nervous about the situation that she had found herself in that night.

"The people here...are nice...but if you don't want to talk you don't have to...I just find it helps to be around people who understand what you're going through..." He said doing what he could to make her feel more comfortable.

"Thank you...for this..." Sara replied shyly taking a sip from her cup, glancing up at him.

"You don't need to...I just want to be able to help..." Vartann responded, squeezing her arm and meeting her eye.

The meeting seemed to pass in a daze as they sat listening to everyone's stories. Sara could feel her heart lurch into her throat as she realised how easy it was, and had been, to lose everything. There were more questions than answers at the bottom of a bottle but for some reason she had convinced herself by numbing her body to everything that she was feeling it would go away.

But it hadn't. All of her problems were still there and when she woke with a pounding head ache they would still be there larger than life. The cycle would start all over again- she would find herself wanting to forget and resorting to the bottle.

Everyone began moving around preparing themselves to go home but Sara found herself remaining still in her seat.

"Would you like to get some coffee?" Vartann asked turning to face her, studying her expression carefully.

"Sure" Sara replied shortly getting to her feet waiting for him to follow suit. Vartann lead her out, his hand on the small of her back. He could feel her physical shiver from the contact and found himself moving away giving her some space to breath, to think.

They silently strolled to the nearest cafe, the smell of coffee filling their senses as the door swung open into the bustling little room. They both ordered their coffees sitting down at a small table in the corner watching as people moved about.

"What did you think of the meeting?" Vartann asked nervously taking a sip from his coffee, understanding that it had hit very close to home for Sara.

"It was good..." She kept her eyes focused on the dark liquid swirling around in the mug in front of her. "Everyone's so honest..."

"It's hard...talking about what's wrong... But everyone wants to help. And sometimes just knowing that you're not alone can make things not seem as bad as they feel..." He offered not wanting her to feel uncomfortable.

"If I could take back everything I've done I would but it's too late. I hurt everyone around me... After all of this time I ended up alone like I'd always expected." Sara shrugged taking a sip of her coffee refusing to meet his eye.

"It's not too late Sara..." He reached out his hand placing it on hers. "You can still fix it. You can put it right."

"Grissom's left...he's not coming back. And everyone else isn't going to see past what I did." Sara shook her head. "I don't even know where to start..."

"I find the beginning is usually a good place to start..." Vartann offered a small smile squeezing her hand taking a sip from his coffee.

"When Grissom and I got married...I didn't know what to expect. I'd loved him for so long that it felt as if everything should have just fallen into place after that but it hadn't. We were spending so much time apart from each other that it felt as if I didn't know him anymore. But every time I tried to say something I just...couldn't...he was so happy with the way things were..." Sara took a deep breath casting her eyes over the other people huddled around tables on the other side of the room. "...And Greg...he was always there for me. He always, knew what to say, what to do to make me feel better. We...we crossed a line...I...crossed a line...I took him to bed thinking that he could fill the space that it was nothing. But it was...And when Grissom found out...I realised that it meant so much more than just... sex... It wasn't just harmless comforting... Every time I slept with Greg I was breaking down whatever it was that built my marriage... I was betraying the person I said I loved the most. I wore Greg down... I broke his heart... Everything I've touched has turned to dust..."

"Everyone makes mistakes, what's important now is how you make it better. And you can't blame yourself... Greg... He still cares about you. And you can fix this..." Vartann attempted to comfort her realising that the situation was more complicated than he had initially thought it to be. Everyone had see Greg and Morgan's relationship slowly and steadily grow into something serious. He imagined how much it would have hurt for Sara seeing him moving on while she was left with all the ghosts of what had happened.

"You must thing I'm a terrible person..." She gave a weak smile watching as he gently stroked her hand with his thumb.

"No...I don't... I think you're human... Who's hit a rough patch" He assured her.

"Why are you doing this?" Sara asked straightening up in her chair, looking him directly in the eyes watching as confusion slowly clouded them as he worded his answer carefully.

"Because you're not a lost cause Sara... And I can't stand aside and let you think that you are..."


	10. Chapter 10

Hope you all like it- please review!

**Wanderlust**

**(Nine)**

"So are you ready?" Vartann said turning to Sara with a smile. She took one last look at the house that she and Grissom had made their own a lump building up in her throat. After all of this time she had finally let go realising that it was only bricks and water. The reasons it had been home had disappeared a long time ago.

"I'm ready..." She smiled at him weakly turning towards the moving van that was filled with all of her belongings.

"Are you going to miss it?" he asked as they climbed in.

"...Yes, I think I am..." Sara responded honestly taking one last look around at the street that had become so familiar in the past few years. "But I'm ready to move on..."

"You've done really well Sara..." Vartann smiled at her warmly as they drove through the streets of Vegas. "...I'm really proud of you..."

"I wouldn't have been able to do it without you..." Sara replied leaning back in her seat studying his face as he kept his eyes focused on the road. "Thank you for everything..."

The past month had brought with it vast changes in her life; she had been sober for almost four weeks. Every day seeing Greg wrapped up in Morgan's arms had been a battle with herself to not drink herself unconscious but with Vartann's support she had made it through.

"I'm just glad I could help you Sara..." He nodded slightly.

They parked in the new apartment lot pausing for a few moments thinking about the task ahead of them. It took them some time to move all of the boxes into the apartment but once they had a small sense of victory awoke in both of them.

"Here..." Sara handed him a cup of coffee. He was sitting on the mattress in the centre of the living room; the only furniture Sara currently owned.

"Thank you..." He gratefully took the mug from her hands.

"Sorry about the lack of furniture..." She muttered sitting down next to him.

"It's okay...when I moved to my place I was living out of a suitcase for six months..." They both laughed awkwardly at the thought. Silence settled between them weighted down by their thoughts and feelings.

"Sara...I think...you're incredible...and the time we've spent together... it's meant a lot to me..." Vartann began speaking his voice muted as he cautiously put his heart on the line.

"It's meant a lot to me too..." Sara reached out her hand, curling her fingers around his. He turned to face her, his clear blue eyes lit up with surprise.

"I don't want to push it but...do you think maybe we could...have dinner together or something?" The nerves were evident in his voice and the way he tried not to hold her eye contact for too long. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth and a flush coloured her cheeks slowly. It had been a long time since a man had been nervous about approaching her, or been so gentlemanly and endearing whilst doing so.

"I'd like that" she whispered, finding her hand brushing across his cheek gently. His eyes held hers and for a moment the bustle of the cars outside stilled. Without a word he closed the space between them, his eyes shifting from her lips to her eyes as he hesitated barely an inch from her mouth.

"You're sure?" his breath whispered onto her lips making her heart turn somersaults in her chest. With a small nod she wrapped her hand around his neck and pulled him to her, forcing their lips together.

Sara slowly fell back against the mattress Vartann landing on top of her, his hands on either side of her head his body trapping her in his warmth. She could feel his breath hitting her cheek as his eyes searched hers for a response to the situation they had found themselves in. She rested her hands against his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat beneath his shirt. Her fingers played with the first button as she coyly glanced up at him.

Their lips gently brushed against each other as they kissed, the world slowing down around them as they realised that by doing this they were taking their relationship to the next level; that by doing this they were once again putting their hearts as risk. Sara unbuttoned his shirt, her hands gliding across his muscular body- his form so different from Greg's- from what she was used to.

His fingers traced the edge of her shirt, his eyes meetings hers for permission, Sara silently nodded letting him lift it up moving it out of the way and tossing it aside. His lips travelled down the curve of her neck to her collar bone his hands gently massaging her breasts. She gasped as her body responded to him. His touch was firmer than she had been anticipating, his hands grasping at her not hesitating for gentle caresses like Greg would have done.

Vartann traced kisses down her stomach reaching her the barrier of her jeans, unbuttoning them and removing them before Sara had a chance to process what was happening. He quickly moved back to her, hovering over her with passion in his eyes. She was momentarily stunned by the speed in which they were moving but she returned his desperate kisses hoping that at some point her mind would catch up with her body.

Sara twisted her hips against his, a low growl escaping his lips and dancing on her ear. With one movement he pushed into her and her body was instantly gripped with a burning pain making her inadvertently tense and cry out into the cold, echoic room.

"Are you ok?" Vartann whispered the concern evident in his clear blue eyes. Sara took a deep breath, allowing her body to react properly adjusting to his stature shifting a little under him before nodding, holding his eye contact.

"It's fine. I'm fine" she pressed her lips against his, her body pressing against him as he rocked against her. A sheen of sweat covered the tense muscles on his shoulders and back, her skin seemed so pale against his. Her body seemed so small under his frame. She and Greg had always been so well matched that these things had never occurred to her, they had just seemed to fit together so easily.

Lou had built himself into a rhythm, his rapid breathing and passionate grunts vibrating against her. He was a lot more vocal than Greg and it was clear he expected the same from her, his eyes darted to hers every few seconds as though he was searching for some kind of validation.

She wound her arms under his and drew her nails across his back and he groaned in her ear, gasping at her waist and pulling her roughly against him. He wasn't afraid to take control and to manipulate her body in the way he wanted.

All of a sudden he was pressing his body against her with incredible force before shuddering to a stop and losing all of the tension that had built up in his system.

His lips hungrily danced across her collar bone as he peeled himself from her body and collapsed onto the mattress by her side.

She lay there in stunned silence, the realisation dawning on her that it was over. He had been so passionate and so rushed she hadn't had a chance to savour the moment. Greg had always been so gentle, so deliberate and attentive. It was a shock to her system to have experienced something so different.

"That was...that was something..." He announced breathlessly.

"You can say that again" Sara attempted to mask the unsettled feelings that were nagging at the back of her mind.

"We should do that more often" Vartann added with a laugh.

"I...think that can be arranged" She laughed attempting to relax into the situation realising that she'd made decision- that this time there was no alcohol clouding her judgement. But for some reason it still didn't feel right, it felt as if something was missing.

The sound of Vartann's phone ringing cut through the atmosphere ending the daze they had both found themselves in. With a small groan he found the small rectangular object answering it in an irritated tone.

"Sure...I'll be right there..." He replied to whoever happened to be on the other side as their conversation came to an end. Vartann pulled himself into a sitting position casting his eyes around the room that surrounded them with a small sigh.

"I'm going to have to go into work..." He informed Sara with a slight frown, leaning down to place a kiss on her lips. "I'll see you later..."

"Aw" Sara pouted as she lay watching him quickly dress himself; finding it strange how she did not feel self conscious in front of him. She and Greg had known each other so long that their bodies were not something they worried about, every scar that tainted them told a story; a story they knew.

"Bye" He said from the door, giving her a smile that sent shivers to her core before disappearing into the evening.

As quickly as their relationship had begun, it took centre stage in Sara's life. Vartann made her smile, laugh and feel safe- their time together made her feel a way she hadn't felt in a long time. They had become comfortable with each other sharing stories, ideas and histories they never thought they'd be able to survive.

They would drive to work together laughing at each other's appalling jokes, complaining about their case loads and it was like having a companion back. Even though Sara could feel that there was something missing. She would turn to look at him expecting someone else; sometimes she'd hear his words and imagine them in a different voice.

Greg seemed to still be consuming her thoughts in ways she wanted more than anything to let go of. But every time their eyes met across the break room, or they passed each other in the halls she could feel herself wanting to crumble.

"So are you coming?" The sound of Lou's voice forced the thoughts out of her mind as she climbed out of his car into the LVPD parking lot.

"Do I have to?" She groaned looking at the lab thinking about the amount of paper work that was awaiting her.

"You do" Vartann laughed pulling her into his arms. Not giving it a second thought, he gently brushed her hair away kissing her softly. Sara responded just as enthusiastically wanting to make these small moments last before she started her shift. She looked into his eyes as she pulled away with a secretive smile; the only thing she could see was the honesty that he had always offered her.

Sara hadn't seen Greg standing beside the entrance a cigarette in his hand watching as the Detective pulled her against him with a familiarity that anyone would have been able to notice. He could feel his heart drop as Vartann's lips touched Sara's.

He knew that he had no right to feel jealous, after everything that had happened, he'd left Sara alone moving on with his life and now she had done the same. But still there was a voice in the back of his head telling him to stop what was happening between them. It didn't feel right seeing Sara with someone else.

Despite everything Greg knew no matter how much he denied it- he was still in love with her and it hurt him to know that someone else was holding her together like he had wished he could have done.

Someone so different- so unlike him.

A part of him wondered where the attraction had come from- he wanted to know whether she loved Vartann the way that she had loved him. He wanted to know so much more.

Taking a deep breath Greg turned around walking into the building in order to silence his envious mind from the thoughts that were infecting him.


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you all for the reviews so far- I love hearing what you think- please keep them coming!

**Wanderlust**

**(10)**

Sara strolled into the break room nervously meeting Greg's eye as he sat alone at the table, a news paper in his hand and a mug of coffee slowly steaming away in front of him. She turned away from him pouring herself a mug silently cursed herself for coming here instead of going straight to PD to find Brass to discuss their case. Not wanting to catch Greg's eye again she remained standing with her back to him, slowly stirring the almost black liquid in her mug.

"So I saw you in the parking lot ... with Vartann..." Greg said slowly, leaving the sentence unfinished. He was asking her a question it was more than obvious- a question that she realised she didn't know how to answer. "I guess Vartann had been helping you out a lot lately?" he added his eyes burning into her back.

"He has..." Sara hummed, turning to face him realising that this conversation was not going to end that easily. She could see the hurt in Greg's eyes and if she was honest it confused her.

"Have you been sleeping with him?" He didn't hold back asking the question that had been on his mind since he'd witnessed how familiar the detective had been with her body; the way his arms had curled around her frame, his hands drawing circles on the small of her back- none of it had been new.

"Yes" Sara swallowed the lump in her throat answering him even when she intended to remain silent about the issue.

"Do you love him?" He asked bluntly. Sara remained silent realising that Greg had addressed the very thing wrong with her relationship.

"No" She knew she could have lied told him that she did but from the way that he was looking at her she felt if the only thing she could do was be honest.

"Does he make you happy?" Greg raised his eyebrows at her, his hands gripping hold of his mug slightly tighter.

"Greg..." Sara shook her head turning away from him for a second taking a deep breath before facing him again. "He's helped me a lot these past few months...He's been kind...generous..."

"...But you don't love him" He nodded understandingly.

"Do you love Morgan?" She couldn't stop herself, the question was asked to the room before she could take it back. Greg's eyes met hers and it was as if his world had crumbled whatever facade he had created shattering with the answer.

"I have to go..." He shook his head, abandoning his coffee and newspaper disappearing into the hallway without a second glance at Sara knowing that by saying nothing- he'd already said everything.

Sara could feel her feet become unsteady beneath her as her legs trembled; she gripped hold of the counter trying to stay up right. The weight of the conversation they'd just had hitting her with force as she watched him walk away.

Her heart lurched as she felt a strange mood settle into her system, all of the things she had been trying to ignore bubble up to the surface lingering in the forefront of her mind. She found herself feeling distracted throughout her shift. Her dampened mood had not gone unnoticed and when Lou asked her what was wrong Sara found herself speechless because she couldn't explain it.

"I'll meet you at the car" She said forcing a weak smile, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Without leaving time for Vartann to say a word she disappeared in the direction of the locker room.

She could feel her heart stop as she saw Greg sitting on the bench his eyes focused on something on the floor. Sara cleared her throat slowly making her way to her locker making her presence known. He remained silent for a few moments, his mind churning over the words he wanted to, needed to, say.

"I...don't think I love her..." Greg said slowly. "I've been trying...But she's not you..."

Sara's breath hitched in her chest as she turned to face him, her eyes stinging slightly as she blinked away tears. If she was honest she didn't know how to respond to his confession- to the way he was looking at her.

"All we ever do is hurt each other..." She muttered, focusing on her hands as she spoke.

"I know..." Greg nodded in agreement. "Things are better this way..."

"Are they?" Sara met his eye carefully knowing that the things she was saying would sting. They were much too honest for the people they were pretending to be.

"They have to be..." He almost whispered to her as if trying to convince not only her but himself too.

"I wish things were different" She stated nervously a part of her wondering if he would truly agree with the statement.

"Me too..." Again another knowing nod "We used to be good together... We just seemed to fit..."

Silence seemed consume them as they realised they were pining for things that were over- that no longer existed. Sara approached Greg carefully taking each step towards him with a heavy heart, crouching down in front of him she looked him in the eye.

"We've changed... haven't we?" She mumbled quietly to him brushing a hand delicately across his cheek. Greg just nodded not knowing what else to say- Sara leant up placing a kiss on his cheek before standing up and disappearing out of the locker room leaving him with the ghost of his memories. It was as if the smell of her skin, the feel of her touch and the sound of her breathing were consuming him.

"Are you ready to go?" Morgan's voice broke through all of the melancholic thoughts dragging his unwilling conscious back to reality.

Vartann followed Sara into the familiarity of her apartment their weekly date night something he always looked forward to. But he could sense there was something wrong as Sara absentmindedly threw her bag and coat aside.

"What would you like for dinner?" He asked slipping his jacket from his shoulders considering her favourite foods as he did so. Sara turned to him with a devilish grin throwing her arms around his neck pressing her body against his.

"How about we skip dinner..." She whispered huskily into his ear. He could feel a shiver swim down his spine as her words registered in his mind.

"I...Like the sound of that..." He replied pulling her even closer against him kissing her neck. They made their way towards the bedroom, slowed down by sharing passionate kisses and removing items of clothing.

Sara pushed him down onto the bed with an impish smile straddling him in one smooth motion leaving him helplessly looking up at her as she rotated her hips against him. With her hands in the spaces above his shoulders she leant her body across him, her hair falling into his face.

Small pants escaped her lips as she built herself up into a rhythm, rocking her hips against him faster. He kissed her collar bone, his hands on her ass helping her movements against him groaning against her skin.

In the past month or so Sara had gotten used to the feel of his body, the smell of his skin and the way he made love to her. The memories of Greg that had dominated her mind at the start of their relationship had dimmed and she'd stopped looking for differences between them. Lou had always been careful not to hurt or pressure her, recognising that his strength and stature had initially made her nervous.

She leant back steadily herself with her hands on his chest, her eyes shut as she felt his hands find their place on her hips. Not stopping she continued letting the feelings consume her as her mind wondered. A low growl escaped his lips but still she did not open her eyes recalling the fine details of someone else.

Sara found herself drowning in memories and realities she had once desired with the whole of her being. She could almost taste the mix of coffee and cigarette on his lips, the cinnamon of his skin as she wound herself around his body. She could almost sense the small movements of his hips against her as he filled her up. His delicate touch tracing across her skin as he worshiped her body into those lusty dark moments they had shared so many times.

Her whole body seemed still, her muscles tensing, her fingers curling around his shoulders gripping his skin as she came undone. He watched in awe as she gasped and rocked against him slowly prolonging the feeling that had overwhelmed her.

"Greg" The name breathlessly escape her lips, her eyes shut, her head titled back. But as soon as she'd said it reality came crashing down around her.

Lou's hands fell away from her hips as he breathlessly looked up at her, his gaze a mixture of confusion and hurt. Sara's eyes met his and the feelings radiating from his body seemed to drag her under like a current.

"Lou...I'm so sorry..." She began apologising scrambling off him, kneeling by his side. Her hands came to his face, attempting to force him to look at her but he turned away pulling himself into a sitting position, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

Sara moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, kissing his neck as she uttered more apologies into his ear.

"I'm sorry...please...Look at me..." She wanted more than anything to be able to take it back but as he remained still ignoring her attempts it became more than clear that her error meant more that she could perceive to him.

With an exhausted sigh Sara move away, curling up on her side pulling the covers up around her as thought of how she could fix this.

"You still love him..." Vartann spoke to the wall ahead of him.

"I wish I could say no..." She replied honestly not turning to face him, knowing that the hurt look in his eyes would break her heart. "...I'm so sorry Lou"

"I know you are...but you can't help who you fall in love with..." He replied sympathetically.

"I want to make this work..." Sara said honestly. "Can we try again? I don't want to lose you"

"I think... some space would be the best thing for us... You're not going to... I'm still your friend; I'll still be your sponsor, and if you need anything... I mean anything... you just have to ask..." He turned to face her, watching her hunched up form slowly unravel.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have rushed into things..." She said honestly meeting his eye turning onto her side. "Do you hate me?"

"No...I could never hate you Sara... You mean a lot to me, and that's not going to stop..." Vartann said honestly, brushing hair away from her face, kissing her cheek softly. He climbed off the bed gathering together his clothes before saying goodbye to her.

Sara remained tangled in her sheets tears unceremoniously falling about the way things had ended between her and Vartann. The sound of knocking at the door forced her to her feet; she wrapped a silk robe around herself wiping away tears as she cursed whoever was on the other side of the door. She found herself speechlessly watching Greg as he stood before her.

"Brass wanted to get these to you... and as I was driving past... I thought...I'd bring them over..." He spoke slowly and nervously peering in to see if Vartann was there.

"Come in..." Sara slowly stepped out of the way letting him into her space her eye focused on the floor.

Greg stepped inside, taking a deep breath to steady his nerves as she pressed the door closed behind him. He cast his eyes around her new home, realising just how much had changed since he had last been comfortable in her home. Her new home was bright and airy and two huge windows manipulated the wall opposite them. Window boxes sat perched on the sills, brimming with flowers and herbs.

"I've been growing them for a while now..." She smiled, pulling her robe closer around her body as she stepped across the room following his line of vision. "...it keeps my mind occupied" Her voice was quiet and low, tinged with sadness and nerves. Her trembling fingers brushed the delicate petals of one of the flowers.

"They're beautiful" Greg kept his eyes fixed on her; it was obvious something was going on with her. Dark rings framed her eyes and her already pale skin seemed pasty and tired. The way she held her body with such uncertainty made his concern grow further.


	12. Chapter 115

Half chapter- enjoy- please review!

**Wanderlust**

**(10.5) **

She moved into the tiny kitchen with a sigh expecting him to follow her. "Can I get you a coffee?" She asked turning to face him. Greg simply just nodded leaning back against the counter watching her.

"Are you okay?" He questioned her as she handed him a steaming mug.

"Lou and I...things didn't work out..." Sara informed him taking a few steps back leaning against the counter opposite him- their bodies parallel imitating each other's.

"I'm sorry..." He felt an odd sense of guilt wash over him as he studied the way she looked towards the ceiling her hands holding onto the counter behind her.

"Don't be...it's not your fault..." Sara eventually said, shrugging as she met his eye.

"What happened?" He asked softly, but she simply just shrugged tears stinging her eyes as she attempted to hold everything in. Greg placed his coffee aside taking a step towards her, pulling Sara into his arms.

She melted into his embrace as his hands smoothed over her back, as she sobbed softly into his shoulder, her tears dampening his shirt but he didn't care holding her against him until she stopped shaking.

As Greg pulled back his eye met Sara's, their lips were barely inches apart. He could see the tiny quivers of her breath, the rise and fall of her chest. He slipped a hand inside her already loosened robe slightly surprised by the feel of her naked skin, his finger trips tracing her curve of her spine- her body unwillingly arching into him. He pressed his lips against Sara's, kissing her slowly, his tongue exploring her taste once again the familiarity making him shake. His fingers drew small circles on the small of her back as his other hand rested on her neck measuring her pulse. They stilled their lips still touching but Sara's hands were resting against his chest pushing him away.

"Greg we can't do this..." She whispered to him silencing the part of her mind that wanted to take him to bed, ignoring her body as it called out for him to make love to her like he had done before.

"I want too..." He replied honestly, his lips brushing against her jaw and he muttered into her ear.

"I...I don't..." Sara said feeling dizzy as he hands undid her robe completely letting the thin material fall open. He took in her naked form while she looked away with embarrassment biting her lip in order to stop herself from crying. "Please...go..."

Greg stepped away from her watching as she quickly did up her robe again with shaky hands. He found himself completely speechless- his heart breaking as he watched her wipe away a tear.

"I'm so sorry Greg...but...we...can't do this...not now...not again" Her words seemed to fall to the floor in defeat. Greg stepped towards her again, his hand on her jaw forcing her to look at him.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't want to... That you don't think about what it felt like when we're together" He waited- Sara tried to look away but he held her in place, her only moving a fraction.

"Please...just go..." Sara whimpered, and the look in her eyes stopped Greg in his tracks.

"I'm sorry" he breathed.

With a deep breath he stepped away, turning away from her, his cheeks burning red. Repeating his apology he walked out of the apartment leaving Sara reeling.

Later that night when she found herself standing outside of his house it was as if the world was dancing to the tune of a funeral march. Rain collided with her thin frame as she stood in nothing but a T-shirt and jeans but she could barely feel it.

Greg appeared at the door looking at her with concern- his eyes squinting against the rainfall as tried to make sense of what she was doing.

"Come inside" He shouted- but she did not moving an inch standing on the pavement, her hands hanging limply at her sides.

"What are you doing Sara?" again he shouted by nothing but a heaving sob escaped her exhausted body; nothing but the wish for it all to be over appearing in the cold air.

"I'm ending this" She finally replied her voice strained.

"Come inside" Greg offered again but still she did not move, watching as he moved towards her, his body being soaked through.

"No" She shook her head. "It's over Greg- we can't do this anymore. You need to love Morgan. You need to let go of me"

"Sara please..." He wanted to pull her into his arms- he wanted to tell her that he would love her forever because no one had ever made him feel this way. But as Greg studied her he realised- that this was the Sara he had let go off- this was the Sara that had pushed him away before.

It dawned on him that she had been right- that after all of this time it was true that all they ever did was hurt each other.

Sara moved towards him throwing her arms around his neck pressing her lips against his fiercely, kissing him hard. Her lips trembling against his in the pouring rain as her hands tangled with his hair pulling him towards her shivering body. Greg's tongue slid between her parted lips putting everything he felt into the kiss as they held themselves against each other with an intense grip.

Their bodies slowly moved apart their hearts on their sleeves.

"Don't tell me you love me" Sara pleaded her hand resting on his chest feeling the rapid beating of his heart beneath his shirt.

"I love you" Greg ignored her realising that this was his last chance he needed to say it.

"I'm never going to stop loving you" Sara whispered to him before she pulled away turning to walk into the night leaving Greg with last look; a look that said everything.

They were never going to feel this way about anyone else.


	13. Chapter 13

I'm off to London to do some flat hunting today- it is hell, I swear- but I wanted to post something before I left.

Thank you all for your reviews and feedback it really does mean a lot- please keep them coming!

**Wanderlust **

**(Ten) **

**(Two Months Later) **

Greg walked to his department issue Denali slowly followed by Sara who was keeping her eyes focused on the ground- preoccupying herself with her footsteps not knowing how to respond to the fact that they were going to be alone together for the first time in two months. The grave shift was tapped out and Russell had been left with the option of pairing them together despite Sara's instance she could cover the case by herself.

The last thing she had wanted that night was to be left alone with Greg in the confiding space of a vehicle. They would be forced to talk- discuss the things that had gone so very wrong them with their relationship.

Sara knew she could not honestly look Greg in the eye and tell him that in the time they had been apart she'd been happy. Seeing him with Morgan every day had started to take its toll but this was healing she would convince herself. Every time she had found herself wanting to pour a drink she would force herself to remember how everything had fallen apart last time.

Lou had stuck by her side for some time brushing aside the awkward atmosphere he felt from being near a former lover- but Sara realised that she wasn't going to push away the last person that seemed to care. He'd went with her to all of the AA meetings and as much as she appreciated everything he'd done for her Sara couldn't help but feel guilty for not being able to give him what he had wanted. She'd begun to distance herself from him and he could sense her pushing him away so without too much of a fight he backed off telling that if she needed anything he was there.

The sound of Greg's voiced ended her stream of thought abruptly as she realised that she was going to have to be much more resilient if she didn't want him to know how she was feeling.

"Do you want to drive?" Greg asked opening the boot to place his kit inside offering to take Sara's. She handed it to him with a weak smile shaking her head; silently thanking him for attempting to maintain the air of friendliness despite everything.

"I don't mind" She offered not wanting to get in his way.

"I think I'll choose to live..." Greg smirked climbing into the driver's seat. As much as he wanted things to not be awkward anymore there was still something in his tone that said things were not as he wished them to be. They could both sense the unease realising that they didn't know what to do- how to stop it.

Sara sat herself down in the passenger seat pulling at her belt her eyes watching something in the distance not knowing how to talk to Greg after all of this time. As much as she wanted things to be back to how they were she realised they weren't ever going to be the same again. They had gone from friends to lovers to... whatever this was now. She kept her eyes focused on the window watching as Las Vegas passed her by as they drove towards their crime scene.

Every so often Greg would glance at her his heart thudding irregularly against his ribcage. It had been so long since they had been this close to each other and the cracks that the distance had left between them were more than obvious now. She looked no different to the last time he had seen her- that kiss in the pouring rain playing through his mind reminding him of what he had felt for Sara not so long ago.

As the car sped through the dusty roads of the desert Sara found herself toying with conversation topics that could break the silence between them. It had never been awkward between them; it broke her heart that it was that way now.

Everything had fallen into place the moment they'd met almost twelve years ago- Greg had made a poor joke but still she'd laughed not being to ignore his attempts at making her smile. Over the years he'd never given up on that task- he'd always done what he could to make her happy.

"Sara..." Greg's voice broke through her thoughts and she found herself staring at him in bewilderment with no clue how to respond.

"There's something wrong with the car" he declared, looking between her and the road stretching out ahead of them.

"What do you mean?" She asked in a suspicious tone glancing at the dials on the dashboard.

"I mean, there's something wrong with the car" he repeated, pumping the accelerator to illustrate his point. There was no reaction from the car at all, it coasted on in the sand getting ever slower the world become a still picture around them.

Without warning it suddenly sprung back to life, lurching forward and spinning out of control. Greg gripped the steering wheel and slammed on the breaks and Sara found herself almost pressed up against him as the car fought gravity, tilting on two of its wheels before landing heavily in the plume of dust it had created.

They glanced at each other before looking out of the windows realising that they were in the middle of the desert- there was nothing around them but dirt and the night sky that seemed to stretch out above them forever.

Greg picked the radio up throwing one last nervous glance at Sara before making the call for help offering the location that the GPS was displaying. With a small sigh he leant back in his seat his eyes focused on the horizon.

"So we wait..." He commented to the air not knowing what else to say.

"Not much point in playing eye spy out here..." Sara said glancing around while she attempted to make herself comfortable in her seat again.

"I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'C'" Greg smiled to himself as he eyed the only cactus nearby.

"Is it cactus by any chance?" She laughed.

"How did you catch me out like that?" He smirked. "You were always better than me at car games..." He commented thinking about a time where they would have spent the whole way to their crime scenes lost in conversation, attempting to amuse each other before the sad realities of life and death would settle in.

"You used to let me win..." Sara replied with a sleepy smile resting her head against the window.

"Sometimes..." Greg nodded recalling all of the small things he used to do to cheer Sara up. He realised that it made him sad to know that they had stopped being there for each other- the fact that they couldn't count on each other the way he had once done.

As a lump built up in his throat Greg realised that Sara was truly completely alone now. He felt guilty- he'd walked away. And even though she attempted to convince him it was for the best- it didn't feel that way.

Surely they both should have been happier?

"Thank you..." She turned to face him for the first time since they'd been told they were to work together, nervously meeting his eye.

"What for?" Greg raised his eyes brows at her not fully understanding.

"For letting me win... amongst other things" Sara explained vaguely realising she didn't want to dwell too much on the memories of what she and Greg had once had; it would only make her miss him more.

"You're welcome..." He smiled weakly at her.

Their eyes met in a moment that seemed to stretch on forever before Sara cleared her throat awkwardly and pulled her sweater tighter around herself.

"I think I need some air" she declared, nervously fighting with the door handle trying to escape into the comfort of the silent landscape.

Greg sat in the car, his hands resting on the steering wheel feeling the realisation sinking in that he missed Sara. He missed the easy conversation and the teasing, he missed making her smile. With a sigh he followed her out, taking his place beside her as she leaned on the bonnet of the car searching the endless night sky provided by the desert.

Placing her hands down on the hood of the car she pushed herself up on to it laying back watching the stars in awe. Greg followed suit lying down next to her not knowing what else to do.

"It's not in the stars to hold our density but in ourselves" Sara was the first one to break the silence this time watching the night sky.

"Shakespeare..." Greg pointed out correctly.

"It's true..." She spoke but it wasn't clear if she was speaking to him. "...We're the ones that decide how we want to feel, where we want to be..."

"In the end we're the only people that can make ourselves feel happy..." Greg agreed watching as birds flew above them wondering if he'd just lied to make things easier on them both. Being together only seemed to destroy the things they'd worked for- at least by being apart they weren't watching everything crumble.

"I forget the last time I was happy..." he turned to see Sara shrugging her expression blank but the tears glistening in her eyes were more than obvious, she was looking off into the distance.

"I remember when you were happy..." Greg shifted his body so he was facing Sara. "You used to laugh at my rubbish jokes, cut me down whenever you could, and you didn't care what other people said... And you used to have this smile... this amazing smile... that knocked me off my feet..." He'd started talking and for some reason he couldn't stop himself.

Sara turned her body so she was facing Greg. Their eyes met and she bit her lip blinking away the tears before she replied.

"I...I want to be that person again..." The sentence was whispered to him like a secret.

"You still are...you just need to figure some things out..." He replied brushing hair away from her cheek, his touch sending a shiver down her spine.

"It just feels like there's no end to the figuring out...Every time I think I'm getting somewhere... it's like I'm back at square one. I forgot what it was like to completely alone..." Sara muttered her eyes lingering on the space between them rather than Greg.

"You two are going to have to get off there if you want to figure out what's wrong with your truck" an unfamiliar friendly voice called out to them prompting them into action.

They slid off the bonnet and without a word Sara walked away from him wrapping her arms around herself as she gave them both some space. Greg watched her his heart in his throat as he guilty realised that he had been partially to blame for all of the things that had gone wrong- he had played a role in creating the loneliness that had consumed Sara's existence.

He wondered when they had stopped wanting to save each other.

When had they decided that they'd had enough of wanting to try?


	14. Chapter 14

Hope you all like it! Please review- let me know!

**Wanderlust**

**(Twelve) **

Sara knocked on the door shifting the bunch of flowers in her arms as she waited for an answer. She couldn't shift the nervous feeling descending over her as she willed herself to knock again, staring at the door almost wishing nobody would be home. Greg appeared before her with a tired smile stepping out of the way to let her in. They had barely spoken recently- work and everything else had gotten in the way.

It had hurt her when she'd heard that Greg and Morgan had moved in together but she realised that all relationships had to move forward and even though it felt like her life had come to a standstill his would not follow the same path.

The flowers and the wine had been her attempt a peace offering- realising that at some point in time they were going to have to start talking again. She missed her friend. She missed the man that made her laugh and cheered her up after tough days. And as optimistic as she was being Sara hoped that one day they would get that back.

"I thought I'd bring you around a house warming gift." She smiled handing the flowers and the wine to Greg glancing around for Morgan.

"She's gone to see her mother...she'll be back later tonight." He explained not having to ask her what she was looking for. Sara gave a half smile nodding following Greg into the kitchen as he placed the flowers and the wine down. A part of her thought it was wrong to be in their home without Morgan- it didn't feel right to be alone with Greg like this.

"Would you like some?" He asked indicating to the bottle and he placed two wine glasses on the kitchen counter.

"No- Thank you. Four months sober." Sara smiled at him nervously sitting herself down wondering if she should have left at the door rather that moving into their space like this. It wasn't too late- perhaps they could end this conversation and part without crossing any lines.

"Well done Sara..." Greg moved towards her sitting in the seat beside her their proximity forcing his breath catching in his chest slightly. "I'm proud of you... everything you've done..."

"It was because of you..." She couldn't help it. It was the truth- losing Greg had forced Sara to revaluate everything she had let her life become. Seeing him with Morgan underlined everything she had lost.

"Sara...I..." Greg began trailing off not bothering to finish what he was trying to say. Deep down he wanted to reach out to Sara but he knew it would be wrong to.

"It's okay Greg...I understand...you don't owe me anything." She assured him with a small smile. Her eyes cast over the space he now called home, noticing how unfamiliar it all was to her. "So aren't you going to give me the grand tour?"

"Sure" Greg beamed climbing to his feet and offering her his hand. He heaved her to a standing position and nervously cleared his throat, leading the way across the living area with a flourish of his hand.

He showed her around the house carefully paying attention to the details and furniture he had chosen. Sara found herself smiling and nodding enjoying watching Greg happy- she realised that perhaps being apart was for the best. She liked this Greg- she had been missing this version of him.

"This is the master bedroom room..." He swung the door open displaying a room decorated in various lavenders. Sara stepped inside following him without realising how uncomfortable it would be for the both of them.

It had been a long time since they had shared a bedroom- but they both could recall the intensity they had shared between the sheets. Years of being friends, of learning the smallest details about each other had translated into sensitivity they hadn't been able to receive from other lovers. In bed they were as in tune with each other as they were in life and it was an overwhelming and incredibly addictive experience.

She found herself wandering towards the dressing table- a small shell catching her eye- it was the same one Greg had picked up off the beach the time they had gone to California. Sara held the thing in her hand letting the rough outer skin move against the smoothness of her palm. Greg was watching her she could sense it without looking up. Her heart fluttered rapidly against her chest as his gaze burned into her skin.

"I've missed you..." he whispered scared that the walls would hear the things he was admitting.

Sara turned to face him- the same longing, and pain, shadowing her gaze as she watched him standing barely a few feet away from her.

"I've missed you too..." She nodded realising that they couldn't lie to each other about their feelings after all of the years that had passed them by. "Sometimes...I'll turn around and tell you something but realise you're not there..." She looked defeated.

"I'm here now..." Greg took a step towards her leaving only inches between them. "We don't have to miss each other anymore..."

"Greg...we...can't do this..." She whimpered into the space between their lips.

"Why not..." He brushed hair away from her face, his eyes focused on her lips licking his own in response.

"Because of her...Because of everything that's happened..." As much as Sara wanted to stop him she realised when it came to Greg she was helpless.

He placed his shaking lips nervously on Sara's letting his hand slide down onto her neck the other on her waist. She tasted just like he'd remembered her- it was the exact same mix off coffee and cigarettes. Sara kissed him back slowly her hands resting on his chest feeling his heart beating under his shirt. They paused- their eye closed, their foreheads pressed together- they both knew they needed to stop this and pull away.

"I forgot how good we were together..." Greg whispered to her. Sara opened her eyes meeting his- seeing his dilated pupils- the lust written across his expression- mirroring it within seconds. This time when he pulled her towards him there was no hesitation- his lips danced over hers his hands discovering her body again.

"I never wanted to let you go Sara" He muttered to her as his hand moved under her shirt towards the curve of her breasts, his lips returning to the spot on her neck that made her toes curl. She groaned pressing her body against his her hands firmly gripping hold of his shoulders.

Greg spun her around pushing her on to the bed breathlessly clambering on top of her pinning her wrists down as he slid one knee up towards her core his lips against hers as his tongue explored the inside of her mouth.

"Greg..." Sara groaned beneath him as he traced the curve of his neck past her collar bone with his lips. "Greg...We shouldn't do this..."

He paused leaning over her his hands remaining on her wrists- their eyes meeting- their lips inches apart and Sara realised she wanted him as much as he wanted her. She kissed him hard arching her body into him.

Greg took her in the way he had been imagining for almost every night since they had been together the last time. The groans, the gasps, the screams that had made their entanglements real came to life as Sara withered in his arms.

"Greg..." his name breathlessly escaped her lips as the aftershocks rippled through her body. His face was buried in her neck as he released himself a groan escaping and evaporating into Sara's skin.

They remained still for a moment catching their breaths as their bodies throbbed from their love making. It immediately began to sink in how wrong their actions had been. Greg lay down beside Sara intertwining his fingers with hers.

"I can't move on..." The words seemed to appear in the air before he had a chance to take them back.

"You have to..." She was pleading with him to see that they could never work- to see the things they had already done to each other were far too much.

"I don't want to" He said more defiantly.

Sara rolled on to her side to face him and Greg followed suit running his fingertips slowly up and down her arm. His tenderness making the things she knew she had to say so much harder.

"She loves you" Sara insisted.

"Look me the eye and tell me you don't..." Greg wanted for once to hear her be honest with him.

"It's not the same" Sara shook her head, closing her eyes. "I'm sorry Greg..."

"I'm not giving you up" He tightened his grip on her hand. She simply just nodded realising that they weren't going to be able to fix what they'd done this easily.

They lingered in the ghost of the sin they'd committed for a few moments longer. Sara dressed herself leaving Greg with a kiss on the cheek disappearing out of the house with a heavy heart. She felt guilty- but there was something else she couldn't explain.

That night when Morgan returned Greg found himself attempting to pretend that nothing was wrong.

He kissed her in the same way he always had as she heaved grocery bags onto the kitchen counter and glanced around. The wine and the flowers still lay abandoned there like old rubbish. She carefully filled a vase with water and arranged the bouquet with a questioning glance in his direction.

"Sara stopped round" he explained with a shrug "housewarming gift"

Morgan's eyes dropped from his immediately, staring at the flowers as though they could speak the truth he wouldn't dare. Just as the silence had become thick and awkward she smiled round at him and crossed the room with the vase, placing it carefully by the window.

"That was nice" she remarked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Greg watched her as she moved around the room wondering if deep down she knew how he felt. Maybe it reflected back to her in his eyes when he embraced her, maybe she could feel it in his touch when they made love. Guilt wound around him like a noose, he knew he was hurting Morgan but Sara was something he simply couldn't give up.

"You stripped the bed?" Morgan asked him, nodding towards the washing machine in full spin cycle, the purple of the sheets swirling around in the little window.

His heart stopped in his chest as he scanned her expression for suspicion but he found none. He had figured that cleaning the sheets was a way of making sure he didn't get caught, not the one thing that could lead to the discovery of his betrayal.

"Just trying to make myself useful" Greg muttered.

Morgan wound her arms around his waist, a smile crossing her features as she looked up at him. Her lips danced across his gently and she rested her head on his chest.

"You're too good to me" she smiled.

Everything told him he should be able to love her. They had fun together, they were yet to have a real fight, they liked the same things, they went to the same kind of bars…on paper they were the perfect couple. In reality, every time he looked into her eyes he wished she was someone else.


	15. Chapter 15

Hope you all like this chapter- please review!

**Wanderlust**

**(13)**

The smell of stale beer filled the bar as Nick and Greg collapsed in two seats in one of the darker corners away from the suspicious glances of the patrons. They didn't fit in here but after the shift they had just had neither one of them cared. Greg took a sip of his beer his heart sinking as he realised Morgan would be waiting for him at home. The conflicts his heart had been facing since he and Sara had slept together were there constantly when he kissed Morgan, held her, made love to her.

Sara had been avoiding him and Greg didn't blame her- after everything that had happened between them he realised the way things looked; he was using her. Every time he tried to talk to Morgan to end things between them something was always getting in the way. As the time passed by it was as if he found himself lost and confused as to what he should do.

"Nick, can I ask you for some advice?" Greg eventually said realising that he was not going to be able to keep all of these things spinning around in his head- he needed to say something.

"Sure..." Nick leant back surveying his cautious expression with some concern.

"I'm...not sure...about me and Morgan..." He stumbled over his words not knowing what to say. This was the first time he had attempted to turn the conflicts that had been plaguing him into words.

"What do you mean?" His friend asked attempting to understand what was being said to him. From what Nick had seen Greg and Morgan looked happy together- he wondered what had happened to create the doubt that was so very obvious in Greg's expression.

"I don't think I love her...not the way I should..." He said slowly. "I think I'm in love with someone else"

"Who?" Nick asked with raised eyebrows.

"It...It doesn't matter..." Greg shook his head realising that he wasn't ready to tell anyone about him and Sara.

"Well if you think you're in love with her then it probably does" Nick said in his thick Southern drawl, giving a short humourless laugh.

"It's Sara..." He took a deep breath studying the older man's expression as it sunk in who it was they were talking about.

"You've got to be kidding me...after everything..." Nick shook his head. "She cheated on Grissom, became an alcoholic, and you've got to have heard the things going around about her and what she did to Vartann...she's trouble Greg."

"But...she's Sara...she's beautiful, funny, smart, she knows me better than anyone else..." Greg attempted to form an argument in favour of Sara but from the look being shot his way he realised it was weak.

"That was Sara. She's not that person anymore. She's screwed up. Her life's a mess- she'll only take you down with her Greg." Nick insisted.

"You don't understand" Greg wanted him to understand more than anything but realised that would never happen.

"Morgan's gorgeous, and she's head over heels for you. You two have so much in common and I'm sure if you give it some time you'll realise that you can love her..." He confirmed all of the things Greg had been trying to ignore.

"It doesn't feel right...pretending...like it's okay" Greg shrugged attempting to find some validation for his feelings. Silence feel between them as it became clear that the things that Nick had suggested were not the things Greg was hoping to hear.

"I'm going to head off..." The younger man gave a small nod placing his empty beer bottle down on the table pulling himself to his feet. He needed to get out of there- he needed to attempt to understand all of the things that he was feeling and thinking.

It was as if his feet were moving without connecting with his brain and when Greg finally looked up he realised he was standing outside of Sara's apartment block. His heart was in his throat as he decided to speak to her.

Sara opened the door slowly taken aback by him, but still she let him in realising there was no point in turning Greg away- there was so much they needed to talk about.

"Can I get you anything?" She asked indicating to the kitchen but Greg just shook his head.

"Sara we need to talk..." He said with a deep breath. "...I've decided to give you another chance. But I think that this time we need to take it slowly..."

"You're joking...aren't you?" Sara gasped turning away from him.

"No...Sara, I want to give this a go..." Greg pulled her back so she was facing him.

"Greg you can't do this, you can't say you want me back and expect to welcome you with open arms..." She replied to his request.

"I thought... you would want this" He looked confused.

"We can't just pick up where we left of Greg... We've changed too much for that" Sara shook her head pulling herself free of his grasp.

"But...the other day..." He looked bewildered.

"We made a mistake...it was just...sex"

"Look me in the eye and tell me that it didn't mean anything to you...the way it is when we're together is something that you can just...ignore..." Greg seemed to be pleading with her to understand.

"...It was a mistake" Sara repeated.

"I wanted to talk to you...I wanted to be with you so much while we've been apart but every time I tired I would convince myself that we were better ... but every time I look at you...I just...I can't stop it..." He sounded so broken and it struck Sara odd how he was being so honest with her but the only thing she could think of was putting all of the barriers to her heart up.

"Sara I'll end things we Morgan...we can move away...we can start again..." He was begging her pulling Sara towards him.

"Greg..." She whimpered as he pressed her body flush against him. He kissed her neck, his hands smoothing over her back, his arousal pulsating against her thigh. "Greg, stop it..." Sara pushed against his chest but he was consumed by passion his teeth brushed against her shoulder sinking into her skin slowly.

"Greg..." she cried out finally being able to get away from his grasp pushing him firmly away moving back towards cabinet to help her shaky legs to keep her standing. "I'm done...with letting you use me..."

"Sara I'm not using you" Greg announced. "I'm in love with you"

"If you were- you'd walk away- you'd leave me alone" Sara shouted at him.

Greg looked at her aghast and realised that what they had done had hurt Sara more than he had thought.

Greg wandered home in a haze of conflicting emotions. In all the scenario's he had run through in his mind not one of them had resulted in a rejection. He realised they had gone too far, their relationship was beyond repair. His mind clung onto the things Nick had said about Morgan. They did have a lot in common, they made each other laugh, and they could talk about anything or spend hours talking about nothing. Maybe it was time to move on properly and stop holding on to what he could never get back.

He carefully unlocked the front door, hoping that she would be asleep already curled up in their bed but the thin beam of light from under the bedroom door told him otherwise.

Morgan peered at him over a pillow she had clutched tightly to her chest. The TV flickered with whatever movie she was watching. Her hair fell in soft waves around her face, her wide eyes looked over at him and the pillow was thrown to the floor.

"Thank god you're home" she declared, throwing her arms around him and holding him tight "Never let me watch Paranormal Activity on my own again"

Greg smiled as his hands brushed across her waist, the soft material of her pyjama's sending tingles across his fingertips.

"It's just a movie..." he declared, unfolding himself from her embrace and kicking off his shoes.

Morgan returned to her position in the bed, her legs tucked tight under her chin and a pillow clutched in her hands. She pressed her back against the headboard and glued her eyes to the screen.

"I'm pretty sure it's based on true events Greg" she muttered as he climbed into bed beside her.

"Seriously? Footprints on the ceiling?" he deadpanned.

Morgan slid her body closer to him, settling in the crook of his shoulder with her arm wrapped tightly around him. He took a deep breath, she always smelled of raspberries.

"Maybe not that part" she smiled, glancing up at him momentarily.

Her grip around him tightened and she buried her face in his chest as another 'scary' moment lit up the screen. Greg laughed at her inability to watch Scary movies, reaching out to fold an errant strand of hair away from her face. Her wide eyes looked up at him with a sheepish smile.

"Is it over?" she asked.

Greg nodded and pressed a kiss on her forehead.

"You survived" he teased as she raised her body over his and kissed him softly.

"Thanks to you. A few more minutes and I could have faced the same fate as Micah"

"I think that's highly unlikely" he shrugged.

"Would you still love me if I had a demon chasing after me?" she asked, turning to place one leg on either side of him so that she was sitting on his lap.

"Assuming demon's are real?" he smirked."I'd still love you... I'd run far, far away but I'd still love you"

"gee thanks. I guess I could learn to accept your demon eventually" he smiled. "He can be one of my groomsmen when we get married"

"it's lucky I don't have a demon then... I don't think he'd make the wedding party look very pretty" she mused.

"He can stand next to me and make me look good" Greg grinned.

"Oh you always look good Mr Sanders" Morgan cooed, running her hands slowly over his chest and meeting his eye.

"How would you feel about being Mrs Sanders?" he asked quietly, the words appearing before he had a chance to stop them.

Morgan seemed to freeze, her lips pressed together and her eyes wide with surprise. She pushed away from him slightly, scanning his expression for sincerity but all he could manage was a meek smile.

"Did you just propose?" she asked under her breath.

"I guess I did... what do you think? Will you marry me?"

A smile tugged at her lips as she threw her arms around him, holding him close and pressing excited kisses to his neck.

"Is that a yes?" Greg muttered into her hair, thinking that maybe this was a good idea after all.

"Yes!" she cried, pulling back to look into his eyes "I would love to marry you Greg Sanders"


	16. Chapter 16

Please review- let me know what you think!

**Wanderlust**

**(Fourteen)**

Greg stirred the concoction bubbling on the stove with a frown. He was sure it had looked a little less red in the recipe. He took a deep breath, taking in the scent of the sauce like his life depended on it.

"Are you sure it said two cans of tomatoes'?" he questioned.

"What do you mean?" Morgan asked; her blue eyes widening as she approached him quickly, her hand winding around his waist. "I think you'll find the sauce was your responsibility Greg!"

He spooned some of the liquid out of the pot and carefully brought it to her lips with a smile.

"Its delicious!" she cooed after recovering from the hot liquid sliding down her tongue. "You lie- Greg Sanders! You just want me to do all the cooking!"

He swung her around in his arms, twirling a strand of hair around in his fingers and meeting her eye as he dipped his head towards her.

"I still don't know why we don't just call a pizza anyway" he muttered quietly as he rested his forehead against hers.

Morgan lifted her body up on her tip-toes and captured his lips with hers, her fingers sliding through his hair as he pressed against her.

"Because Hodges has been saying that's what you'll do all week and you want to prove him wrong?" she declared slipping out of his arms and checking the chicken breasts baking in the oven.

"That's true. What did you get for Sara?" he asked, suddenly wondering if he ever did tell Morgan that Sara was vegetarian or if he had just meant to.

"Oh shoot! I forgot to make it!"

Morgan began scurrying around the kitchen gathering up ingredients. With a smile she settled beside him, chopping up mushrooms and onions while Greg gathered them up and tossed them in a pan. Within a few minutes everything was under control again.

"See, never underestimate the power of team work" he smiled, slinging one arm around her shoulder while he continued to stir the risotto.

"Hmmm my hero" Morgan grinned, raising her glass of wine to her lips as the doorbell broke through the silence.

Greg placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and handed her the spoon before heading over to the door, almost forgetting to remove his pink frilly apron before he swung the door open with a flourish.

Sara stood before him with a nervous smile a bottle wine in one hand and her hand bag in the other. Greg realised he had no idea how to respond to her. It had taken a lot to convince her to come- and even then he had doubted that she would.

"Come in..." He offered with a forced smile letting her into the house taking the wine from her and helping her remove her coat. She looked good. He couldn't deny it. Her hair fell in soft curls on to a deep purple silk blouse, and her sleek jeans seemed to add even more length to her already long legs. As much as he wanted to stop looking at her in that way he couldn't help it- he couldn't stop himself from thinking about how beautiful she was even when she wasn't trying.

Greg led her to the living room waiting for her to take a seat before sitting down himself attempting to ignore the awkward atmosphere that had settled between them. He had assured her that her rejection would not mean anything for their friendship- he stilled cared about her and he just wanted her to be happy. But it was clear that there were some things Greg had not anticipated; the intensity of the feelings he had for her and the physical reaction to her presence that only reminded him of what they had once shared.

"I'm the first one here?" Sara asked, somewhat unnecessarily as she glanced around at the space they occupied.

"Yep. Can I get you something to drink?" he began before chastising himself as he remembered that Sara was sober now. "I'm sorry... a water maybe... I think we have soda"

"It's ok" she smiled, resting her hand on his knee for a second "I'm fine."

Greg simply nodded- his mind racing as it desperately fought to find conversation topics that wouldn't lead anywhere.

"Thank you... for coming" he muttered, the nervous energy between them practically bouncing off the walls.

Sara smiled; a soft genuine smile that made his heart tear in two. When she found out why everyone was here she wouldn't be smiling he knew that much. He still worried about hurting her. About what pushing her away would do to the steady life she was building for herself.

"I'm glad you invited me. I don't get out much anymore" she joked.

"You mean your AA buddies aren't dragging you out every other night?" he smiled.

"Well, there's only so many times you can say 'my name is Sara' before you decide to go it alone" she muttered a little sadly.

Again the heavy atmosphere settled between them and Greg made the decision to prepare her for what was to come. She deserved his honesty.

Greg glanced around nervously listening out for Morgan but from the noise in the kitchen it was clear she was still busy. He moved taking the seat beside Sara taking her hand in his own.

"There's something I need to tell you..." He whispered to her, his eyes catching hers to prove the seriousness of everything. Sara simply just nodded waiting for him to say whatever was on his mind. "Morgan and I...we're getting married...that's what tonight's about" Sara could feel herself stiffen but Greg refused to let go of her hand keeping it in his own.

It felt as if the earth had fallen from beneath her feet but Sara refused to give in and let Greg see how much it hurt. She blinked away the tears that had formed in her eyes and gave him a smile that was far to broken to look genuine.

"I'm happy for you..." The words came out in a rush. "I really am..."

The doorbell rang and this time it was Morgan who answered letting Nick into their house with a welcoming smile; Sara quickly snatched her hand back from Greg.

"The party's here... now where's the food?" Nick laughed rubbing his hands together.

"It'll be ready soon, sit down. I'll get you a beer"

Nick shrugged his jacket off and hung it on the hook by the door. When the doorbell rang he glanced into the kitchen before opening it wide and greeting the rest of the guests with Greg.

Sara however, was still reeling from his bombshell. He had proposed to Morgan, after everything that had happened between them he was going to marry her. She took a moment to watch them together as everyone talked among themselves. They seemed so happy she wondered if she had imagined being tangled in his arms in this very house- that she had simply dreamt of him asking her to take him back.

Before long everyone was seated around the table and the chatter was beginning to die down. Greg and Morgan passed around plates brimming with delicious food and soon the evening descended into delighted mutterings and clinking of glasses.

Sara carefully twisted her fork around in the Mushroom Risotto feeling exactly like it did - out of place and different from all the rest.

"Yours looks good" DB Russell muttered by her side "Wanna trade?"

She smiled in his direction, somewhere between a non-committal half smile and a grateful for the conversation smile.

"I'm a vegetarian" she stated "but thanks for the offer"

"You know... if it helps any, I'm pretty sure this chicken is only 4% chicken" he smiled trying to include Sara with the rest of the group who had taken to simply just ignoring her presence.

Catherine was suddenly standing up and tapping the side of her glass for attention. All eyes fell on her and Sara stole a glance towards Greg. He was holding Morgan's hand as they sat at the head of the table and listened to Catherine's short thank you speech. When everyone raised a toast to the host's Greg took the opportunity to stand up and make his own speech. He looked at Sara as he stood and she could feel her heart racing with nerves, the butterflies churned in her stomach making her feel dizzy as Greg smiled around at his friends.

"Thank you Catherine, and everyone for coming. I have to admit that we had ulterior motives when we invited you here... it wasn't just to show off my amazing cooking skills" he joked "We wanted to bring together the people we loved the most, the people who meant the world to us so that we could share something with you. Morgan and I... we're getting married! We wanted you to be the first to know!"

The entire table erupted into excited chatter of the good news. Nick and Archie were already grilling Greg about his stag party and Catherine had pounced on Morgan to discuss dress options.

"This is good news huh?" DB asked, clearly trying to keep her involved in the party "They're a cute couple"

Sara swallowed the lump in her throat, surprised at just how physically the news seemed to have affected her.

"They are. I'm sure they'll be very happy together" she, slid her plate away from her, and gripped the edge of the table in an effort to control her nausea. "Excuse me... I don't feel too good"

She slid her chair away from the table and retreated into the kitchen, looking for a glass of water and maybe an escape hatch. Greg furrowed his brow and followed her out, shrugging in Morgan's direction as he did so.

He found her leaning against the sink, her eyes pressed closed and a glass of water in her hands. He was proud of her; the fridge was well stocked with booze. No-one but him would have noticed if she had proceeded to down an entire bottle of merlot and even then he would have understood. He recognised that this proposal probably pulled the carpet out from under her feet, the truth was things with Morgan were hitting break neck speed and he couldn't seem to do anything but go along for the ride.

"Are you ok?" he queried, carefully moving to her side while keeping one eye on the party admiring Morgan's sparkling ring in the other room.

"I think I might head home actually. I have a bit of a headache..." she met his eye; attempting to convince him she was telling the truth but failing spectacularly. He could see it in her eyes that she was being defiant, that her stoic, unemotional stance was all an act.

"I'll take you home" he declared, a thousand different things coming across in the statement as he rested his hand on her arm "Just hold on, I'll let Morgan know"

The drive back to Sara's house was silent as neither one of them could muster the words required to talk about what the problems between them really were. The car came to a stop outside of Sara's apartment but still neither one of them moved.

"Do you want to come inside?" She whispered to him, her eyes surveying the empty road before her.


	17. Chapter 17

Another short chapter so this one will be 14.25

I'm sure you're going to want to smack me...or Greg...or Sara by the end of it- but enjoy and please review!

**Wanderlust**

**(Fourteen point Two Five)**

Greg watched as Sara leant against the kitchen counter a cup of coffee cooling down slowly in her hands as she refused to meet his eye. It was in that moment that he realised just how much he'd hurt her tonight.

"I'm sorry..." he mumbled – he didn't know what he was saying or what he meant if he was honest with himself.

"It's okay..." She was doing her best to not let him see how she felt inside. "We both have to move on..."

"Tell me you love me..." Greg placed his coffee down looking at her with seriousness but still not a word escaped from Sara's lips to reveal anything.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you love me..." He repeated this time moving to stand in front of her taking the mug out of her hand placing in away from her- his hands resting either side of her trapping her in his warmth. Still Sara said nothing.

With a small sigh she eventually looked up to meet his gaze knowing that he was not going to move away. Sara didn't say anything as she reached out brushing a hand across his cheek the sadness glinting in her eyes more than obvious.

Greg leant forwards less than an inch between them his body imposing on hers as he let their proximity sink in. Sara closed her eyes letting him do as he wished without her permission. His lips covered her as they kissed.

"You look beautiful..." he whispered to her as she crumbled against the counter in a small amount of resistance to him.

But Greg's lips had found her neck dancing over the soft skin as his hands abandoned their static place smoothing over the silk of her shirt. Sara found herself resting her hands on his shoulders as he hoisted her onto the counter with sudden passion. Greg quickly unbuttoned her shirt revealing more skin for his hungry eyes.

"I miss you so much..." Sara groaned as he pressed kisses on her collar bone while working on undoing her jeans.

"I just need you to say it Sara" Greg persisted as he removed her trousers roughly pulling her towards him kissing her on the mouth his one hand on the counter the other on the back of her neck.

"I can't..." She gasped as he involuntarily thrusted against her core.

"I need you..." He growled as Sara continued removing his clothes.

They stilled for a moment sharing a heavy kiss not wanting to talk anymore- their actions had always spoken louder than their words. Greg moved into Sara watching in amazement at how her whole body tensed. Greg hooked her legs over his elbows firmly placing his hands on the counter kissing her as he began pumping into her slowly. Sara quickly felt her whole body let go as she clenching around him over and over sending shivers throughout her body dragging Greg under quickly. She rested her head on his shoulder as her erratic breathing slowed.

They stayed tangled together for a few moments before Greg lowered Sara's feet to the ground gently reaching out to wipe away a lone tear that had escaped past her eyelashes.


	18. Chapter 18

**Wanderlust**

**(Sixteen)**

Morgan waved a DVD at him with a smile. The couple embracing on the front in the rain and the title 'The Notebook' emblazoned across the top convinced him he had no desire to sit through 90 minutes of predictable romance drivel. A part of him had started to regret suggesting movie night when she'd asked him earlier what he wanted to do. Somehow they would always end up watching the movies Morgan wanted to see while he sat bored out of his mind trying not to fall asleep.

"No" he remarked simply, flopping back on the sofa with a sigh deciding for once to argue back in a last ditch attempt at saving the night.

"Why not", came Morgan's high pitched protest as predicted. She shuffled across the floor towards him, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as she rested one hand on his leg. "You might like it..."

The singsong tone of her voice did nothing to soothe his urge to lounge in front of a Die Hard movie instead and stuff his face in front of some explosions and car races and uncomplicated scripting. He just wanted to put in his mind in a vegetative state for the evening- to ignore everything else going on in his life.

His attempts at telling Morgan what he had done had failed miserable; he would find himself caught off guard by the affection in her eyes as she waited patiently for him to talk. And every time instead of confessing he'd had sex with Sara he would find himself lying about what it was he needed to say.

"I won't like it- it's the same as every other romance movie in the world..." Greg rolled his eyes.

"It is not!" she defended "It's complicated and dramatic and unpredictable and... it's beautiful"

"And they all live happily ever after?" Greg smirked, knowing he had a valid point.

"Maybe they do, maybe they don't... you have to watch it to find out!" Morgan tried to outsmart him by monopolising on his natural curiosity.

"I know they do Morgan. They always do. Let's watch something more energetic... like Iron Man!"

With an eye roll Morgan moved back to the DVD player and placed the disc in the drawer, ignoring the pillow he launched across the room in her direction.

"You need to get in touch with your sensitive side Greg, I guarantee this will help" she settled into the space beside him, tucking her legs under her body and nestling into his chest.

"My sensitive side is doing just fine on its own thank you!" he snatched the remote control from her hand and flicked to a sports channel in an effort to restore his masculinity.

"Oh come on Greg..." Morgan pouted her soft pink lips and widened her eyes, her fingers gently stroking that sweet spot behind his ear as she went for the sympathy vote.

He didn't give in, per say, he just knew that in the end she was always going to get her way anyway. With a sigh he handed her back the remote and watched as the movie came to life.

"Sara likes this film...We were talking about it today" Morgan shrugged reaching for the pop corn.

"No she doesn't" Greg raised an eye brow at her.

"How do you know?" She challenged him.

"I know Sara." He snorted.

As Greg watched the story unravelling he could feel a strange longing sinking into his system. He turned to see Morgan curled up at his side and it made him sad that it was not her. She was not the one he wanted from the very depths of his soul- she was what he thought he should want.

_"She was my dream. She made me who I am, and holding her in my arms was more natural to me than my own heartbeat. I think about her all the time. Even now, when I'm sitting here, I think about her. There could never have been another"_

The words seemed to just reinforce how much he wanted to see Sara, to hold her, to be close to her. Greg could feel a sigh of relief leave his body as the credits began rolling on the screen.

"So...Movie's over...What do you want to do now?" Morgan asked with a yawn stretching out on the sofa.

"I'm feeling a little... rough. I might go for a walk" He suggested.

"Want me to come?" She straightened out her shirt.

"Uhm... no you look tired. Why don't you head off to bed? I won't be long" He attempted to convince her as the small voice at the back of his mind telling him exactly where he was going.

"I'm not that tired...and plus since I made you watch it... I feel like I should suck up the sleepiness" Morgan replied rubbing small circles on his back with a smile.

"No sucking up necessary... I promise. You relax- I need to stop by the lab to pick something up anyway. There is nothing more depressing than going into work on your day off" He smile softly wishing the words he was saying weren't so empty.

"Okay...If you're sure... but don't take too long..." She pouted at him and with a quick peck on the cheek Greg disappeared out of the front door.

As he walked it was as if his feet were deciding his destination- his body simply just leading to the place he knew he needed to be. Greg knocked on her front door taking a step back wondering what she was doing. Sara didn't say a word stepping aside letting him into her apartment her eyes washing over the mess as she gave him an apologetic glance.

"Sorry... I hope I didn't interrupt anything..." He began talking his voice hoarse as all of the things he needed to say remained trapped in his throat.

"I was just going to head out...take a walk... clear my head..." Sara shrugged to indicate that it was nothing important.

"I'm doing the same..." He seemed to be silently telling her of the excuses he had made to be here but all she did was just nod. Something in her eyes told him that she knew where they were going to end up tonight, she could already see them tangled in each other's arms, she could already taste his lips because they had been there before and they both knew they would go there again.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you..." He told her with all the honesty he could muster his heart breaking slightly at the knowledge that Sara wouldn't let herself fall for him the way he had fallen for her.

"You need to" She replied shortly moving towards the bedroom leading Greg to the inevitable.

Sara began unbuttoning her shirt turning to him silently asking him to take what it was he had come here for and then to leave her be. With a lump in his throat he moved towards her- his heart racing with anticipation. His hands covered hers as he helped her remove the last few buttons from their place.

He wrapped her arms around his neck before stroking across her back with a delicate touch resting on her waist. Greg kissed Sara slowly hoping to create as much meaning as he could with his actions.

"It's not too late..." He whispered to her pressing kisses against her jaw.

Sara didn't say a word stepping back towards the bed pulling Greg with her. It was as if she had completely detached from him simply placing her body in his hands letting him take a part of her. If it meant keeping him close to her then she would give up the tiny part of her dignity she had been holding on to. If it meant she wouldn't lose him she'd give him what he wanted.

She let Greg undress her, her hands slowly removing his clothes and without a word she sunk to her knees the uncouthness seeming nothing but appropriate as he gasped at the feeling of her mouth surrounding him. He pulled her to her feet roughly by the shoulder and laid her down on the bed, his body shivering with anticipation as he moved into her with one quick thrust.

As much as she wanted to deny it Sara realised she felt repulsed with herself as he thrusted into her with little regard to the consequences of their actions. But still her body seemed to betray her as the tension coiled in the pit of her stomach.

Once again they surrendered to the need they both had; the need to be close to each other, to whisper secrets to each other's skin and memorise the tones of their eyes. Once again they went to that forbidden place in their relationship knowing that this would never be the last time.

There would never be a last time.

They melted together along with the sound of their low groans and sighs as they moved against each other filling the room that had become their escape. They committed their bodies to each other, like they had done and would continue to do, so many times before.

But the moment he pulled out of her Sara could feel her stomach tie in knots, as she lay with her eyes focused on the ceiling as he quickly dressed himself- the sudden realisation that someone was waiting for him at home sinking in.

"Sorry" He muttered as he casted his eyes over her naked body. Hands were curled up into fists grasping hold of the bed spread as she willed herself not to cry. Closing her eyes she shook her head telling him silently that it was fine- that if he needed to go she would never protest.

The sound of the front door slamming shut cracked her facade as a sob escape into the air; she sat up, her head buried in her hands as she tried to understand her own actions. Without thinking her nails were crawling at her skin attempting to dispel the feeling of worthlessness that had coated her body.

Sara stepped into the shower wanting nothing more than to be able to wash all the traces of Greg away. But as she stood in front of the mirror she realised it was as if the marks he'd left on her were like ink, remaining permanently upon her skin.


	19. Chapter 19

Please- review- let me know what you think!

**Wanderlust**

**(17)**

Greg tried to creep inside without making too much noise. She would be asleep, he was counting on it. Tiptoeing upstairs he carefully undressed and slid into bed beside her, the heat from her body bouncing off his skin. A sigh deflated his body as he breathed in the smell of her hair and listened to her gentle breathing. He felt guilty, he realized, in these moments when he left Sara's arms and fell asleep beside his wife-to-be the emotional conflicts in his soul almost suffocated him.

Morgan shifted in bed, her eyes glancing over the clock on the bedside cabinet. She had grown accustomed to his frequent nights out with the boys but he had been getting home later and later every time. There was a knot inside her stomach whenever she thought about it, a feeling she tried hard to suppress as he slid his arm around her waist and settled into his pillows.

By morning he had forgotten all about his late night. He trudged into the kitchen with a sleepy nod in her direction as she read the newspaper. This had become the norm for them; silent breakfasts because neither one of them wanted to voice the truths lingering on their tongues. Over the past few weeks she had noticed a change in him, she couldn't really put a finger on what it was but she knew that something had changed between them and it had to be something significant.

"How was boy's night?" She asked, trying to keep her voice casual and her eyes on the news.

Greg placed his mug on the table, eyeing her suspiciously before sitting down. She had never asked before, always so unassuming and trusting that it made it shamefully easy to deceive her.

"It was OK" He muttered.

"What time did you get home?" Morgan continued.

"It wasn't late... Around 1 I think" Greg gulped, knowing it was well gone 4 when he made it into bed.

Morgan simply nodded, her suspicions taking hold and mingling with her blood stream. She glanced at the man in front of her as he stared at his phone under the table. A smile crossed his features that crept over her skin like a rash. She had seen this behavior before, she had watched her parent's relationship deteriorate and destroy everything she held dear because of her father acting this way.

"Do you want to take me out to lunch today?" She offered brightly, in an attempt at reining him back to her.

"Uh I can't. I'm sorry - I have so much paperwork to do. Why don't you call one of your girlfriends?" He muttered, glancing up from his phone momentarily.

"Well I kinda wanted to spend some time with you... We hardly see each other anymore" She reached out her hand and placed it over his, the stone on her engagement ring catching the light and glinting in his eye.

"I really need to get it done." He stated flatly.

"Maybe I'll go with Hodges then" She sighed, hoping to illicit some kind of reaction from him.

"Good Idea" Greg nodded, tapping keys on his phone as though he hadn't registered a word she'd said.

"You don't even care..." Morgan huffed, taking the two mugs from the table and tossing them in the sink.

"Hey, I wasn't done with that!" Greg cried, finally looking at her.

"Yeah well... You are now" Morgan leaning back against the counter meeting his eye with all the defiance she could muster "What about tonight?"

"What about tonight?" Greg shrugged.

"Can we have dinner together? Or watch a movie?" She asked, aware that the tone of her voice didn't necessarily match her desperate questions.

"I... I don't know. I might be busy" Greg stated as his phone chimed again.

"Who is that- one of your girlfriends?" She remarked in a playful tone despite the honesty in her question.

Greg frowned, his eyes refusing to meet hers as she stood before him awaiting her answer.

"Why would you even ask that?" He spat back, feeling the burn of her unspoken accusation.

"Well, you know what Greg? You haven't given me much reason not to think that!"

The volume of her voice seemed to escalate of its own accord and she closed her eyes against the anger building inside her. It wasn't the first time she had accused a man of cheating on her only to be proved wrong but the knot in her stomach only wound tighter and tighter.

"I'm sorry" He muttered beside her. His breath moved strands of her hair against her face, his body heat enclosed her and his eyes seemed to pierce right into her soul.

"How would you like it?" she asked, biting back the tears his close proximity seemed to cause.

"What if you went out? Why would that bother me?" He sighed, belittling her concerns with a shake of his head. "Look, if you're that worried I'll do the paperwork tomorrow and we can go out"

Morgan stared at him for a few long moments in an attempt to calm her overactive mind. He'd dismissed everything she said and made her feel like the suspicions were merely a figment of her imagination. She was even beginning to doubt them herself.

"No, you go ahead. See if I care" She shot at him, pushing him away from her.

"Morgan... Let's talk about this" He pleaded, making her pause in her tracks.

"No, Greg. I don't want to talk about this. I want you to go away. I don't want to have to look at you anymore!"

She stomped to the bedroom, anger making her body shake and tremble but she could hear him following close behind. He grasped her shoulders, forcing her to turn and meet his eye.

"You need to talk to me" He demanded.

Morgan's hands curled into fists and she twisted out of his arms and pounded his chest.

"I don't need to do anything, just... Leave me alone" She mumbled, standing by the window and pressing her eyes closed. "Go! Get out of here"

Greg seemed to still for a moment unsure what to do before he turned and moved down the stairs. Morgan kept her eyes fixed on the road outside, tears distorting her view of the cars and people that passed by. Greg soon came into view, heading towards his car she suspected, a sudden urge taking hold of her as she watched him. With a deep breath she stormed out of the apartment, slipping into her car and waiting for Greg to pass.

She didn't have to wait long. Greg's huge black truck pulled out and she followed two cars behind. The music on the stereo didn't reach her ears as she focused all her attention on following him undetected. He didn't go far, pulling up outside a white condo and pressing the doorbell confidently. As Morgan watched him she suddenly felt all the air being knocked out of her lungs. Sara appeared in the doorway, her dark hair curling around her shoulders, her slender frame silhouetted in the bright lights inside her home. Greg took a step inside the space, wrapping his arms around her gently.

He hadn't really intended to go there. He wanted to stay and confess everything to Morgan but the betrayal in her eyes was too much for him to handle. She had told him about the way her father had left. How he had cheated and destroyed everything she knew. He knew how it had affected her relationships and her ability to trust men. He didn't want to do that to her again, he didn't want to be the man that proved to her that all her suspicions were right.

But he couldn't stay away from Sara.

With a backwards glance he pressed the door closed behind him and disappeared inside her space, a space that had become more familiar to him than his own home recently; a space where he felt more like himself than he had done in years.

The knock at the door came as she had expected it too, and it took almost all of Sara's will power to force herself off her feet to answer it. Greg stood by the door with a small smile, waiting to be invited in but all she did was move aside leaving him enough space to step past her.

He turned to face her and without saying a word she kissed him, her hands resting on his shoulders, hoping that it would help improve her mood. But as Sara let her fingers tangle with Greg's as she led him to the bedroom she could feel a sinking feeling settling in. She felt sick.

Greg helped her undress, his hands gently caressing her skin, his eyes washing over her body as she lay back against the pillows. Sara grasped at the bedspread as she felt him kiss her neck, her eyes shut as she willed her body to relax.

"Hey...are you okay?" He stilled over her, brushing her hair gently away from her face.

"Yeah...I'm fine...keeping going..." She replied softly, her voice shaking slightly as she did so.

"Sara..." Greg frowned at her. "Don't do this...tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing...I...I'm just not in the mood I guess..." Sara gave a small shrug, glancing away from him quickly.

"Okay..." He nodded pulling himself away from her, climbing off the bed. Sara felt as if her heart leapt into her throat as she realised she'd made a mistake telling him, he was going to leave. And perhaps he'd never come back.

But Greg simply just opened the wardrobe, finding Sara's favourite oversized t-shirt and a pair of shorts and handed them to her as she looked up at him with confusion.

"I guess we'll have a PJ day then" He smiled, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Are you sure?" Sara raised her eyebrows as she waited for him to answer before she slipped the clothes on. Greg perched himself on the edge of the bed, kissing her softly, his hand resting gently on her jaw.

"Sara I don't want to force you into anything you don't want to do...all you have to say is stop..." He muttered before kissing her again.

"...I thought...you'd leave if I told you...I didn't want to..." She whispered to him, indicating to the bed. "I thought you wouldn't want to be here...if we didn't do it"

"You really think after all we've been through that I just want you for sex?" He seemed saddened that he even had to ask the question.

"I...I don't know..." Sara looked down at her hands, picking at her nails.

"Sara, you know I love you. I've always loved you. I think I always will. I just want to be with you and even if that means we never have sex again I'd still be here" Greg said, tilting her chin so she'd look him in the eye and see just how much he meant what he'd said.

"I don't deserve you..." She gave him a sad smile, slowly brushing her hand across his arm. Greg kissed her softly, trying to prove her wrong. "...We could watch a movie...I have Iron Man...I was saving it for a rainy day..."

"Sounds perfect" He replied.

Greg barely noticed the time that was passing them by as he wrapped Sara up in his arms, watching the movie while she muttered sarcastic comments to him throughout. He realised it been a long time since he'd felt so comfortable with but it had to end. He had to go home.

"I wish just for once you'd think about what you're doing to me" Morgan sighed as he sat himself down on the sofa next to her.

"What do you mean?" Greg raised his eyebrows, but his focus remained on the television.

"Where did you really go Greg? I called the office...To say sorry..." She said softly, not wanting to let on that she'd followed him.

"To see Sara..." He shrugged. "She's all alone...She has no-one...And I don't want her to take steps backwards...she's doing too well..."

"What about, me?" Morgan asked wide eyed.

"...I'm still here" Greg pointed out as if it was enough. "But Sara's my friend...my best friend...after all of these years I'm not going to stop being there for her..."

"I understand..." Morgan took a deep breath pulling herself to her feet. "But I'm starting to feel alone too Greg..."


	20. Chapter 20

Enjoy!

Please review!

**Wanderlust**

**(18) **

The bright lights above her gleamed off the floors as Morgan made her way around the grocery store surveying the items with little interest. She hadn't planned on spending her Friday night here but it was if she needed to do something to stop herself from going insane. At home she would have found herself pacing, watching her phone like a cooking pot waiting for the tinkering sound of the ringtone to fill her ears. She would have spent her whole night waiting for a call that was never going to come. Greg had been growing even more distance from her. The quiet night in she had planned had been disregarded for drinks with Nick. The only thing that reminded her that they were in a relationship, soon to be married, was the glittering diamond that decorated her left hand. But even that had started to mean less and less.

"Hey lady- look where you're going" the sound of a man shouting at her dragged Morgan back to reality as she looked up to see her trolley had collided into another customers.

"Oh sorry" She muttered meeting the man's eye her heart immediately sinking. "Nick"

"Well hello there" He smiled brightly at her.

"What are you doing here?" The question came out far more aggressively than she had intended it to and Morgan found herself quickly biting her lip hoping she hadn't given too much away.

"Grocery shopping...that's sort of the thing people do at stores like this" He commented sarcastically laughing at her.

"Yes...sorry...It's just Greg said you two were having drinks tonight" She commented with a small shrug.

"Oh, he had some work he needed to do so he cancelled" Nick replied throwing a box of cereal into his trolley.

"He's had a lot of that recently" Morgan frowned; the doubts she had tried to push aside appearing at the forefront of her mind. "I'm sorry I'm going to have to get going"

Without another word she moved quickly away from hi abandoning her shopping at the end of the aisle quickly making her way towards the door.

Morgan had never wanted to believe that Greg could cheat on her. He had always been so kind and unassuming- so willing to work for her trust- but she knew the signs. She had seen them many times before. All of these years she had closely guarded her heart but in the end it was as if she had known she was going to get hurt.

The feelings seemed to suffocate her as she pulled out her phone, scrolling down to Greg. She needed to know. The sound of the dial tone filled the small space as she waited for him to pick up, but each ring just reinforced her doubts. And as the answering machine clicked she'd decided all she could do was conclude that Greg was cheating on her.

Morgan placed her phone in her pocket taking a deep breath resting her head against the steering wheel as she tried to calm her shaky nerves. A knock came at the window and as she titled her head she could see Nick's concerned expression. He indicated to the other side moving around to the car to sit in the seat beside her.

"What's wrong?" He asked realising that he had a feeling he knew exactly what was going on.

"I...I think Greg's cheating on me" Morgan announced honestly searching Nick's eyes for some truth but nothing seemed to appear.

"How come?" Was all he said neither confirming nor denying the notion.

"He's been so distant, even when we're together it's like he's pretending he's somewhere else- with someone else. And all of the lies about where he's going, who he's with..." She began taking realising she needed some sort of validation that she wasn't completely off base.

"What sort of lies?" Nick could feel his heart leap into his throat as he recalled the conversation he'd had with Greg not so long ago about being in love with Sara.

"He said he was doing paper work the other and...I saw him go to Sara's..." Morgan shrugged.

"Look Morgan, don't tell Greg I told you..." Nick glanced around as if he was there, likely to hear. "...But he's been working on something for the wedding- he probably though it needed a woman's touch so he went to see Sara"

"Really" She looked at him with her clear blue eyes- the trust breaking his heart as he felt a wave of resentment towards Greg.

"Really" he assured her with his best attempts at a smile. "Now I've got to head out but take care okay- and if Greg's any more trouble I'll set him straight"

As Nick climbed out of the car into the afternoon light it was as if the world had slowed. He knew lying to Morgan had been wrong but he could see no other way around this. He was not naive- he had seen the way Greg still looked at Sara, he had noticed the small smiles they shared. And now it was as clear as the light of day what was going on.

He climbed into his truck realising there was only one place he could go. He needed to put a stop to this before it went too far, before more people got hurt. Nick tapped Sara's new address into his GPS the anger building up with every turn he made getting closer to the destination.

Nick found himself in front of her condo trying to figure out exactly what he was going to say. He could see Greg's truck parked at the end of the street in a poor attempt to hide his location. From the outside the building was like any other on the surprisingly peaceful street. His mind wandered to the things happening inside, his stomach tying into knots as he prepared himself.

Sara wrapped her arms around Greg's neck as he whispered into her ear, their bodies moving against each other in a perfect rhythm collapsing into oblivion. A moan escaped her lips as they hummed with satisfaction. They fell apart breathlessly, their heart rates slowing as their bodies throbbed from their love making.

"I think that's enough" Sara laughed turning to face him with a sleepy smile.

"No amount of you is enough" Greg replied brushing hair away from her face.

"I think we've set a record" She pointed out letting Greg pull her into his arms.

"And next time we'll beat it" He assured her wrapping his arms around her waist tenderly.

"That's a lot of sex" Sara looked at him wide eyed.

"Oh, I thought you were talking about the number of times I could make you swear" He joked earning a playful slap from Sara.

It was the sound of the door bell ringing that stopped them both in their tracks. Sara quickly scrambled out of bed pulling her dressing ground tightly around herself.

"Stay here" She whispered pressing the bedroom door closed.

She threw the front door open taken aback by Nick's presence- the look of venom in his eyes directed at her as he pushed past Sara into the apartment.

"Where is he?" He demanded to know.

"Who?" Sara questioned trying not to give in.

"Don't play dumb with me Sara- you know who I'm talking about" Nick shot at her.

"Look Nick-" But she found herself very quickly being cut off.

"So it's true...you'd open up your legs for anyone" He spat her- the words making Sara flinch as she wrapped her arms around herself taking a step back. "When did you become one of those washed up whore's that didn't know when to give up?"

"Don't you dare talk to Sara like that" Greg growled appearing from the bedroom fully dressed, his hands curled into fists at his sides.

"You have a problem?" Nick questioned not moving from the spot where he was stood.

"Apologise to her" The younger man demanded, his jaw tensed as he gritted his teeth but all Nick did was laugh annoying Greg further as he moved closer towards him.

"Greg...it's okay" Sara muttered stepping in between the two of them, her hands on Greg's chest trying to stop him from starting a fight.

"No- it's not okay. Say sorry to her." He repeated.

"There is no way I'm apologising to her" Nick insisted.

"It doesn't matter- its okay" Sara nodded not meeting his eye but Greg simply just moved her out of the way.

"What's your problem man?" Nick raised his eyebrows at him. "Nothing I said was a lie- she's-"

"You say another word about Sara and I swear I will hit you Nick" Greg threatened.

"So you're willing to stand up for her but not be there for your fiancé? I ran into her in the grocery store today she was in tears because she thinks you're cheating on her. You know what I didn't have the heart to tell Morgan that you're over here shacked up with _her_"

Greg couldn't stop himself- his fist collided with Nick's cheek sending the older back backwards with surprise.

"You need to sort this out- or I will" He announced giving them both hateful looks as he walked out.

"Why did you do that?" Sara demanded to know.

"How could I stand aside and let him speak to you like that?" Greg frowned watching as Sara made her way into the kitchen.

"...It's what they all think" She said in a quiet voice filling up a glass of water.

"No" Greg shook his head refusing to accept what she'd said.

"They all think I'm a slut Greg" She gave a bitter laugh. "Perhaps it's true after all"

"Sara, don't say things like that" He shook his head.

"It's hard to hear the truth Greg...I know..." She announced in a daze.

"It's not true"

"Think about it Greg...I lost my husband because I was sleeping with you, I lost you because I was drunk and sleeping with...almost anyone... You don't love me- I mean how could you." She shrugged tears stinging her eyes.

"Sara- stop it- stop talking like this" Greg again frowned moving towards her.

"You always see the best in people- but- this time you need to look at me properly" Sara muttered.

"Sara I love you" He insisted.

"No- you don't- you love the idea- I'm not that woman...I haven't been her for a long time" She shook her head firmly.

"What are you saying?" Greg looked at her hopelessly.

"I'm saying that we shouldn't do this anymore- I need some space"


	21. Chapter 21

Thank you all of the review- I really love reading them- hope you're still enjoying this story- please review- let me know what you think! ;)

**Wanderlust**

**(19)**

Sara took a deep breath looking out at the people rushing about in the parking lot as they quickly moved towards their cars, ready to get home back to their lives outside of work. She thought carefully about the evening ahead of her and realises that perhaps she should have taken the overtime and stayed to finish off paper work; she had nothing else to do. But she felt exhausted.

Without wasting any more time Sara made her way towards her car tossing her bag into the back seat. But as she turned she found Nick standing in the way, his eyes focused on her with what could not be described as a glare.

"Look I don't know what the hell you were playing at before- but stay away from Greg" He said breaking the silence.

"Nick, I-"She tried to explain, but he didn't want to listen.

"I don't care why you did it." He stated. "But think about Greg, do you really want to drag him down? Do you want him to end up the way you've done?"

"No" Sara shook her head. That was the last thing she wanted. Greg deserved so much more than that.

"Then do him a favour and walk away" Nick instructed, and without another word let her standing beside the car in a strange sense of shock.

As Sara drove home she knew that the things Nick had said were true and ending things with Greg had been the right decision. But she couldn't help but feel like they had left things unfinished- that there was still so much to be said.

It soon occurred to her that is the way that things would always be between them.

Sara curled up on the sofa with the remote control and a tub of ice cream in her hands, incredibly thankful for the time alone. She had been exhausted lately, dreadfully drained of energy and nothing she did could shake it off. They had even started noticing at work; hence the extra time off DB had gifted her with a knowing smile as he told her paperwork could always wait.

She flicked through the channels distractedly, the ice cream slowly melting and moisture forming outside the tub, finally settling on 'Definitely, Maybe'

With a sigh she sunk further into the soft pillows and balanced the ice cream on the edge of the seat. She needed this, she needed a night where she could just relax and not think and gorge on ice cream.

Her conscience had been working overtime lately, desperately trying to find justification for falling into Greg's arms every time he was close to her. Karma had most definitely come full circle and given her a taste of her own medicine. Now she found herself contemplating the possibility, the probability, that she had fallen for him and it was too late.

Sara recalled the ways he had looked at her early on, the longing he'd had to ask her to stay and Sara realised they'd switched placed. She had been the one asking him for just a few more moments, she had been the one without commitments hoping that perhaps he would notice just how much he meant to her.

But it was never to be.

"_Look, I know love isn't a fairy tale."_

Sara laughed, digging her spoon into the ice cream. That little girl was a genius; love is about as far removed from a fairy-tale as anything could possibly be. For her at least.

She moved the spoon to her lips and found that she was suddenly gripped by nausea. It was mint choc chip, her favourite flavour of them all and yet the smell of the mint seemed to close in around her and grip her stomach making her rush into the bathroom for fear of losing her dinner.

She was trembling when she came back into the living room, her body feeling weak and fragile, a headache throbbing behind her eyes and her legs feeling like dead weight. She had missed a large section of the movie; she frowned as she noted that the man was now with another woman entirely and rolled her eyes as she collapsed into the sofa to watch the commercials.

The sky was beginning to darken as the sun slowly set; she stared at her phone on the coffee table. Greg and Morgan were going to the movies tonight; she had heard them talk about the plans with the rest of the time in the break room. The others had contributed their opinions of the film while she had stood awkwardly in the corner being ignored by everyone. She had found herself feeling overwhelmed with a mix of emotions she felt about the idea.

"_Just like the character in the story. Who's always been the friend then she realized she doesn't just want to be the friend she wants to be the girlfriend. Except it's too late."_

Sara raised the remote and flicked the channel as sobs overwhelmed her. This was ridiculous, she never cried at movies. She made a habit of crying as little as possible; it always gave her a headache and hurt her eyes. This past week she had burst into tears an unfathomable number of times, just this morning she had sobbed in the bathroom because she forgot to bring a fresh towel with her when she went for a shower.

A commercial caught her attention, one that would normally have made her roll her eyes in disgust and change channel. It was one of those baby lotion ads, following the bump to the baby to the mother. She watched entranced as the mother stroked her gentle hands over her child's smooth stomach and once again she was overcome with emotion.

She tucked her knees under her chin, suddenly overcome by a maternal instinct and wondering why she had never considered children when she was young and married and happy. She had probably missed her chance now. Her age and current relationship status didn't lend itself to motherhood easily.

The sudden outburst of emotion gave her a moment of clarity that hit her like a kick to the stomach, all the air seemed to leave the room as she sat upright and scanned the recesses of her mind for the last time Mother Nature had visited. She was always so regular it was never anything she had to pay too much attention to, not to mention the fact that she wasn't in a relationship.

The fact that she couldn't recall her last period could be down to her work pattern, or stress, or not eating enough she rationalised. It didn't necessarily mean she was pregnant. On paper it was impossible, in practice however, she had been having increasingly passionate, mind blowing sex with Greg on a regular basis until very recently.

Flipping through her diary she listed the symptoms she had been suffering; the nausea, exhaustion, the dull ache in her stomach for days, the fact that she had just cried at a commercial…. It was all beginning to add up and cause a flurry of butterflies in her stomach.

She couldn't find anything in the book and threw it against the wall in frustration. There was only one way to know for sure, her heart raced at a million miles an hour as she swung her jacket on and walked the 2 blocks to her nearest pharmacy.

It was almost closing time, the young girl behind the desk glared at her as the bell sounded into the deserted little store. Sara browsed the shelves trying to look casual; the pregnancy tests were all stacked under the condoms and KY Jelly. It struck her as quite ironic really. With an embarrassed smile she handed the girl a handful of boxes and took the long way home.

In her mind she had already come to her conclusion.

The wind moved the tree's gently and sent a shiver up her spine as she slowly walked home with the bag in her hand. She checked her phone again, scrolling to Greg' name and wondering if she should call him, he would be a wonderful father. She could picture him cradling their child in his arms and teaching him to play football or tie his laces. She could picture how it would feel to see that amount of love reflected in his eyes.

But the words that Nick had said to her earlier rung in her ears, if she cared about him the best thing to do would be walk away and she'd promised herself that she would. Not wanting to convince herself otherwise Sara placed her phone back in her pocket.

A blonde woman and a tall man cut in front of her, hand in hand. They were lost in their own conversation, laughing and joking together as they walked side by side. Sadness settled over her as she remembered Morgan. She remembered the way Morgan looked at Greg, the way her hand gently stroked his arm and her fingers intertwined in his. She remembered how Greg would smile when they were together, how she had given him a happy home filled with love and laughter. All she had ever given to Greg was a multitude of unhappy memories and infinite problems.

She headed straight to the bathroom once she'd gotten home, trying not to focus on the indignity of peeing on a stick. Those two minutes seemed to take forever. She chewed her fingernails and tapped her foot on the tiles as she waited for her little timer to signify it was time.

All at once she was gripped by an all-encompassing fear. Inside that box was her future; the result of this test could influence the rest of her life. Not to mention Greg's and Morgan's.

What was in that box was the most terrifying thing she had ever had to look at.

Her hands shook as she slid the white stick out of the packet and closed her eyes, with a deep breath she stared down at the little blue line.

That line, so insignificant and understated had just changed Sara's life. That little line, that made tears snake down her face and sobs escape her mouth, had just told Sara everything she needed to know.

She may be alone, not entirely stable mentally and almost definitely going to ruin another marriage when it came out but she was pregnant with Greg's child and somehow the prospect wasn't nearly as horrible as she had imagined it to be.

It that moment Sara had almost planned out what she was going to do- but she knew that the first change would be to leave Las Vegas. She had already ended things with Greg it was not too much of a leap for her to finally move away from the city that had been bringing her down.

Sara knew she wasn't ready to have this baby, to bring up a child alone, she hadn't planned on becoming a mother but now she realised that the only thing she cared about was making sure her baby would have the happy settled life she had longed for growing up.

And that life was not going to be in this city.


	22. Chapter 22

...thank you all for reading and reviewing so far- enjoy!

**Wanderlust**

**(One Month Later) **

**(Twenty point one) **

"How about this one?" Morgan hummed indicating the large- rather ridiculous pink cake in the centre of the table.

"No" Greg replied shortly shaking his head with raised eyebrows.

"What's wrong with it?" His fiancé demanded to know.

"Could you pick anything more Kardashian please?" He said in a deadpan voice.

"You watch way too much day time TV Greg" Morgan rolled her eyes admiring the other cakes on display for them.

"I think you'll find that I don't watch anywhere near enough day time television Morgan" Greg shrugged barely taking interest in the creations.

The sound of Greg's phone ringing resounded throughout the small cake shop and the few other people there cast narrowed eyes in his direction.

"Hello" With a sigh he answered the phone walking slowly towards the door.

"Could I speak with Mr Greg Sanders please?" An unfamiliar voice asked.

"Speaking..." Greg paused by the door glancing back at Morgan who was taking a forkful of the bright pink cake.

"This is the emergency department at Desert Palmas we have a Miss Sara Sidle here and she has you marked as Next of Kin. Can you confirm that you know this person?" The voice attempted to sooth the panic that was rising in his system.

"Yes I do...She's a friend..." He stumbled over his words.

"Do you know Miss Sidle's Date of Birth please?" The question stumped him for a few moments.

"16th September 1971" He replied.

"OK, try not to worry but Sara has been brought in by an ambulance suffering stomach pains, after falling unconscious we would appreciate it if you could make your way down to the emergency room as soon as possible." Again the panic was rising in Greg's throat as he quietly agreed placing the phone back in his pocket.

"Honey... I'm going to have to go... Sara's in hospital..." Greg announced turning breathlessly to face Morgan.

"Go..." Morgan nodded encouragingly.

Greg rushed to the hospital his mind running through the million and one things that could have happened to Sara. It had been three or so weeks since they'd last spoken- they had both been so busy wrapped up in their case loads that beyond passing each other in the hallways they had hardly had a moment alone together.

Finding the room number he began searching for Sara glancing through the windows as he walked. His feet came to a sudden stand still when he saw her- his heart pounding in his chest as he attempted to build the courage to go inside. However before he could reach the door a doctor approached him with a nervous smile.

"What's going on? Is Sara going to be okay?" Greg asked the words coming out in a rush.

"Mr Sanders, Sara has unfortunately suffered an early miscarriage. She's in a great deal of pain and we may need to operate if the bleeding doesn't slow down. At this stage we're uncertain what's caused it so she will be referred to the clinic for further tests when she feels up to it. For now she needs to rest, take plenty of fluids and let nature take its course. She is understandably upset but I'm sure she will be pleased to see a familiar face." The sympathy brimming in his eyes causing Greg's breathing to stop for a moment as he processed the information.

Taking a ragged breath he nodded finally turning the door handle and stepping into the room. Sara was curled up on her side, her arms wrapped around herself as small sobs escaped her frail form. Greg took the seat beside the bed but she refused to meet his eye. He reached out taking her hand in his own gently stroking the soft skin as he attempted to think of the right words.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly but Sara remained silent turning away from him. "Sara... Talk to me..." Sara's shoulders began to tremble as tears overwhelmed her.

"I didn't know how to tell you... you were so happy" her words seemed to linger in the air, the realization of what they meant settling heavily in his stomach.

"You mean..." Greg couldn't seem to find the right words. Everything choked in his throat as he looked at her lying there looking so fragile and broken.

"I lost our baby Greg... I couldn't even do that right" she was finally consumed by her tears, burrowing her face in her pillow. In one movement he pulled her into his arms and attempted to absorb her sorrow. He couldn't take it away, but he could hold her and soothe her until the pain went away.

"Sara, this isn't your fault" he whispered into her hair "You'll be ok... We'll be ok"

Sara eventually stilled in his arms falling into an exhausted slumber as Greg held her.


	23. Chapter 23

Enjoy!

**Wanderlust**

**(Twenty Point Two) **

Sara glanced up at the door with a surprised expression and Greg appeared with a small suit case by his side. If she was honest with herself she wasn't expecting him to come back. After everything that had happened between them she didn't understand why he would still choose to be around her- everything she touched just seemed to crumble.

"I've picked up some books I thought you might like..." He indicated to the bag with a small nervous smile.

"Oh..." Sara placed all the pamphlets the doctors had give her on the small night stand with shaky hands. "Thank you..."

Greg placed the suitcase on the dresser opening it up retrieving the books he had been taking about- a collection of Sara's favourites. It had taken him longer than he had thought attempting to find things that would comfort her. Sara had never been one for material items focusing on small things in life.

He made his way over to the seat he had previously occupied while Sara watched him carefully surveying his suitcase with slight suspicion. Greg handed her the books again giving her a weary smile taking the leaflets she had put aside into his own hands.

"...How do you feel about seaweed?" He asked frowning at one of the pages before looking up at her.

"It's not much fun when you're trying to swim and you get tangled up in it..." Sara shrugged, replying weakly.

"Very funny" Greg gave a small chuckle. "It says here that you have to keep your iron levels up and seaweed has high iron content... I could pick some up..." He explained pulling a pen out of his pocket scribbling on his hand.

"Greg you...don't have to do this..." She wanted to protest but her voice was meek and she looked exhausted.

"I do..." He shook his head. "I wasn't there for you before Sara...I'm not going to walk away now...And plus I want to"

"Morgan..." Sara began not knowing how to explain her doubts realising that as much as she needed Greg they weren't the same people any more- they didn't have the same priorities.

"She understands..." Greg insisted reaching out taking Sara's hand in his own. "So you're not getting rid of me for the next week and a half at least. Just relax Sara... I'm here to take care of you and get on your very last nerve."

"Well when you word it like that...How could I say no?" She rolled her eyes leaning back against the pillow shutting her eyes as a surge of pain settled in gripping hold of Greg's hand slightly tighter.

"Are you okay?" He asked moving forwards in his chair, his eyes filled with concern.

"I'm fine..." Sara replied after a small pause getting her breath back. Silence settled between them as Greg thought of all the questions he wanted to ask Sara but found that he couldn't.

"I didn't know until a few weeks ago..." She began glancing down at her hands. "And...I wanted to tell you so much but I just couldn't find the words. It just didn't feel real. I never thought I'd have the chance to be a mother..."

Greg's silence filled the room as he held onto her hand; it was obvious he was confused and conflicted about the whole thing. It was time to let him in.

"Ask me" she whispered as he raised his head and met her eye, a slight frown furrowing his brow "What do you need to know?"

Greg hesitated for a second; scanning her eyes for signs she could cope with his questions.

"How...We were so careful..." he breathed, careful to keep his voice calm not wanting to upset Sara.

"I wish I knew! Maybe we forgot or it broke... I've asked myself the same question" she sighed.

"How did you know?" he met her eye, measuring whether he was treading on forbidden territory or not.

"I felt queasy, tired, hormonal... I put it down to too much work and too little chocolate. Then I was watching TV one night, I was eating ice cream and this ad came on for diapers and I had to run to the bathroom. I knew I had to take a test just to be sure" Sara explained wanted him to be a part of it as much as he could realising that even though she had made the decision to raise the child alone- Greg was the father.

Greg nodded, picturing Sara curled up on the sofa in her slacks with her hair tied high behind her head and a tub of ice cream cradled in her arms.

"I haven't told anyone else..." she reassured him, squeezing his hand gently as she answered the question he didn't dare ask.

"How did you end up in hospital?" he questioned, beginning to piece together the story.

"I passed out in the grocery store, the cramps were just too painful and I got dizzy. Next thing I know I'm in an ambulance and the baby... they couldn't find a heartbeat" tears glistened in her eyes but she was doing her best to fight them off.

"Did they give you a reason?" He asked wanting to understand what had happened. Even though he had not prepared himself for being a father he realised that he had never expected the opportunity to be stolen away like this. Sara simply shook her head, tears snaking down her cheeks as he enveloped her in his arms.

"We're going to work through this...I promise..." He muttered into her hair holding her close to him.

The door creaked open and a nurse popped her head around with a small smile not wanting to interrupt them.

"I'm sorry...Mr Sanders but visiting hours are over...You're going to have to leave..." She informed him before disappearing again.

"I'll be back before you know it..." Greg whispered to her pressing a kiss against her forehead as he pulled himself to his feet. Sara simply just nodded watching as he gathered together his things, whispering goodnight before he left.

As Greg drove through the busy streets of Las Vegas he began thinking about the way his life could have turned out had he stayed with Sara- had he refused to leave her on the side of that road. A part of him knew that Sara would have kept drinking- that they would have trapped themselves in their own misery. But so much of him wanted it to be true that they could have worked through all of the problems they had- that they would have made it to the other side. Greg imagined what it would have been like to wake up every day with Sara knowing that he didn't care what happened because he had everything he loved was right there.

They could have had a baby. They could have had a family.

In that moment Greg couldn't help but let the thoughts of what it would have been like to teach his son or daughter how to ride a bike, fly a kite or swim. He imagined organising the school run with Sara and coaching a football team on the weekends.

It was as if he had fallen off a ten story building as it hit him that he would never have these things- not with Sara. The grief he had been attempting to fight off suddenly seemed to hit him out of nowhere.

They had lost their baby.

And with it the future he had always dreamed about from the moment he had met Sara.


	24. Chapter 24

We are oh so close to the end- thank you all for all of your continued support- reading/reviewing- I'm sorry I haven't been able to get back to you- things have been crazy! But please keep letting me know what you think!

**Wanderlust**

**(Two Weeks Later) **

**(Twenty One)**

"I didn't know whether you'd like this so I've put some lasagne in the oven if you decide you can't stand it..." Greg smiled placing a tray on Sara's lap as she lay on the sofa a blanket tangled with her legs a book resting in her hands.

"You really don't need to do all of this..." She gratefully glanced up at him placing the book aside.

"Well... I thought I could treat you before I had to go..." There was sadness glinting in his eyes that neither one of them could deny knowing that their time together was very quickly coming to an end.

"Thank you for the last two weeks..." Sara began not knowing what to say- what to do. They had both seemed to settle into each other's company so well it was as if they had forgotten how wrong it would have been for them to not tear themselves away from it.

Greg didn't say a word lifting her feet as he sat himself down kneading them while watching Sara try out the various high iron, high sugar foods he had attempted to make. He couldn't help but smile as she reacted to the tangy taste of beet root.

"It's good..." She smiled at him with a twinkle in her eye that he had missed. There were so many things about her he had missed and it had not been until the past two weeks that he had realised just how much so.

"I'm glad you like it..." Greg nodded picking up the book that she'd been reading. "Possession..." He said in a mock cinematic voice taking the dark, lusty colours of the cover.

"It's a good book..." Sara shot back pointing the fork in her hand at him accusingly.

"I'm sure..." He laughed opening the book up at the page that she had left it on beginning to read to her. _"They took to silence. They touched each other without comment and without progression. A hand on a hand, a clothed arm, resting on an arm. An ankle overlapping an ankle, as they sat on a beach, and not removed. One night they fell asleep, side by side...He slept curled against her back, a dark comma against her pale elegant phrase." _

Silence fell between them and it was as if they had been dragged back to those nights where words had failed them both. There was no way that either of them could deny that things between them had changed.

"That day...on the beach... you told me that you could learn to love me..." The words seem to come from nowhere and they seemed to even surprise Greg as they appeared in the sound of his voice.

"I said a lot of things in those days..." Sara shrugged not wanting to confess to Greg that never had she been more in love with him than she currently was.

"But...What if I asked you now?" He gently stroked the curve of her ankle.

"Asked me what?" She attempted to put of answering the inevitable question she knew was on his lips.

"If I asked you if you loved me...if you could love me?" Greg caught her eye- stopping her heart in her chest.

"Then I'd tell you that I could... that I do." Sara quickly looked away not wanting to see his eyes well up with hope. "...But she loves you more than I ever could..."

"I don't care..." Greg shook his head attempting to grasp for her hand.

"Greg...why can't you see... all we do is break each other's hearts?" She took a deep breath. "What if... I...I do the things I did last time? What if I started drinking again?"

"I'd cope..." He attempted to sound defiant but it was clear that he realised that he'd lied.

"You shouldn't have to..." again she looked away from him.

"Sara it doesn't matter... if that's what it takes to be with you...I'll do it. Because even when it was awful and I was watching you destroy yourself, I was still so in love with you and it never stopped. It never went away. What if we could make each other happy instead? What if this is it. What if we never stop being in love... What if we're supposed to be sitting together on the porch on our 50th wedding anniversary holding hands and watching the sun go down?" Greg couldn't stop himself all of the words he had wanted to tell her came rushing out and as he met Sara's eye he realised that she felt all of these things too.

"That's not how it will be and you know it. I'm no good at relationships, I destroy them. I drain the life out of them and then I run away. And I don't want to hurt you more than I already have...please Greg, go back to Morgan. She'll make you happy- she won't hurt you. Go home, get married, and be happy." It hurt her more than she'd imagined telling him all of the things she knew to be right.

"I don't want to. I don't want to forget you..." He sounded desperate grasping hold of what he could in order to convince Sara to save whatever they could of the ruins of their relationship.

"I know..." She shook her head not knowing how to explain all of the things that were running through her head.

"...But it can never work..." Greg finished off her sentence with a sigh casting his eyes around Sara's apartment. "...So this is it?"

"I'm so sorry Greg" Sara nodded confirming the very thing that he had been attempting to ignore all of this time.

"Don't be..." He paused to look at her. "I don't regret a single thing that happened between us..."

"Neither do I..." Sara croaked attempting to fight away the tears that were threatening to fall. "I hope...things work out for you...I hope you get to be loved in the way you deserve to be loved..."

Greg leant across her kissing her softly his lips brushing against hers with a sensitivity she wished she could forget. The way he tasted, the way his stubble brushed across her cheek and the sound of his breathing had been cast to her memory as a permanent reminder of what she'd decided to let go.

He silently pulled himself to his feet and with a quick goodbye Greg escaped into the night feeling his heart break as he drove back home to Morgan. After all of this time he didn't know why it had suddenly hurt so much.

But then one thought made itself known at the forefront of Greg's mind.

Sara had let him go.


	25. Chapter 25

Enjoy ;)

**Wanderlust**

**(Twenty Two) **

The morning light streamed through the window as Greg sat watching wisps of steam escaping from the top of his coffee mug. The dark liquid swirled against the china in the way his thoughts seemed to rattle around his mind imposing on everything around him. Perhaps it was time to finally come clean- to confess everything?

He had barely slept the night before- he had laid away his eyes focused on the ceiling as he thought about everything that had happened. And as Morgan appeared at the door, a lump building in his throat as he realised that he had made a decision. He couldn't pretend that there was nothing wrong- he couldn't go along with the charade that everything was perfect and had fallen into place.

Greg wondered how Morgan hadn't been able to see through the emptiness with which he approached her. Had she seen it and hoped that perhaps it would fade?

"Morgan...There's something I need to tell you" The words were like sandpaper on his tongue as he kept his eyes focused on anything but her.

"That sounds ominous!" She smiled at him unassumingly pottering about the kitchen making breakfast.

"Please...sit down...I just..." Greg stumbled over his words as he realised this confession was going to be more painful than he had ever imagined it to be.

"Okay...what's going on?" Morgan asked with raised eyebrows as she sat herself down opposite him.

"I've done some things that I need to tell you about" It sounded so vague, so meaningless when it meant so much to him.

"Greg, you're scaring me. Tell me." She looked at him wide eyed.

"I slept with Sara...I've been sleeping with Sara" The words fell like rainfall in the kitchen.

"You... Are you serious?"He could see the anger bubbling beneath the surface.

"Yes. And I can't marry you pretending that it didn't happen. That I'm not in love with her."

"You're in love with her? And you wait till now to tell me this?" She snapped.

"I've been in love with her for twelve years...and I thought I could move on...but I can't..." He felt so defeated, so exhausted.

"So what was this then? Make believe? You've lied to me all this time?"

"No. Morgan I really like you" Greg spluttered.

"'LIKE' you LIKE me? Greg, we're having a massive party tonight, with all our friends and family. It is the first time my parents have been able to be in the same room together since I was 12 and we're supposed to go out there and say we 'like' each other?" She was on her feet now pacing beside him while Greg sat watching her trying to understand where they stood.

"I don't know what you want me to say. I can't...I don't want to lie to you anymore"

"I can't do this right now..."

"What are you saying?" Greg struggled to understand what was happening between them.

"We...we have to go ahead with the party. We can't send everyone away...we can't cancel everything...we can deal with this tomorrow." Morgan announced.

"Do you really think that's for the best?" He looked at her wide eyed.

"You owe me this. You've been pretending all this time...one more night can't hurt." She spat at him.

"Do you want me to call Sara...tell her not to come?" His voice was weak and the mention of Sara's name wasn't helping the situation.

"Does she... does she feel the same way about you?" Morgan sobbed leaning against the wall.

"She thinks...She wants me to be happy..." Greg shrugged.

"What does that mean?"

"She loves me...We love each other...but things between us have always been so difficult so complicated...When Grissom caught us...it destroyed Sara... and she never moved on from that" He soon realised he'd given away more than he had intended to.

"How long has this been going on? You've...you've always been with Sara?"

"No...We broke things off when I started seeing you...but it...it just happened..." He realised he couldn't explain the things that went on between them in words.

"I can't believe you'd do this to me... I really thought you were different." The words were almost a whimper.

"I'm so sorry Morgan- I wanted to tell you. But every time...there was always something happening...someone looking over our shoulders..." He realised that he couldn't justify what had happened, there was no way he could.

"You're a coward. You're just like every other spineless man out there, too afraid to tell the truth, too stupid to keep their hands to themselves. Sara will be at the party, I can't bear to answer questions about why she's not. She'll be there and it will be fine and tomorrow...tomorrow it's over and you can do whatever the hell you like." Morgan shot at him turning to leave the room.

Greg could hear her sobs as she made her way up stairs, the sound of their bedroom door slamming making him flinch as he realised that he had destroyed everything he had based his life upon. He wondered if this was how Sara had felt that night.

He eventually managed to pick himself up from the breakfast table, making his way to his study realising that the best thing he could do for now was to stay out of Morgan's way. Greg knew that he should have told her earlier, but everything between them had happened so fast he could barely keep up.

All of his attempts at slowing things down were disregarded by the number of steps they were taking forward.

But it was wrong to keep leading Morgan on when he knew he didn't love her. It struck Greg that he had convinced himself that he would one day, but it was a lie.


	26. Chapter 26

**So we have officially reached the end and what a journey it has been- thank you all so much for reading and reviewing this story. I really do hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have writing it and will like the ending- review- let me know what you think! **

**Wanderlust**

**(Twenty Two point Two) **

By the time Sara walked in the party was in full swing, no one had noticed her slip her coat off her shoulders and take a seat at the back watching as people mingled. She glanced at the open bottle of red wine on the table and it seemed to take all of her will power not to pour herself a glass to calm the nerves that were raging in the back of her mind.

"Could I have this dance?" Vartann appeared at the table with a smile. Sara looked up at him nervously realising that she had no reason not to. She gave him a small smile, taking his hand getting to her feet letting him lead her to the dance floor.

"Greg the ring is absolutely beautiful..." Mrs Hodges commented turning Morgan's hand in the light, watching as the diamond glimmered.

"We bought it together" Morgan stated, flinching slightly as Greg rested his hand on her back.

"As in she picked it" He rolled his eyes.

"Well I had you...it's not like you have taste..." She replied flatly.

"Whatever..." Greg pressed his lips together biting back the words on his tongue as he glanced around. A shiver wound round his spine as he saw Sara. Vartann had a firm hold on her hand, as she nervously followed him, her eyes focused on the floor.

The maroon gown she was wearing clinging to her curves. It tapered in at her slim waist and skimmed the ground like she was floating. The way she moved drew his eyes to the plunging neckline and the dainty gold necklace that danced across her collarbone. Her softly curled hair lapping at her skin as a self conscious smile crossed her lips as Vartann spun her around in his arms.

Morgan's gaze followed his, a sharp intake of breath as she realised who Greg's eyes had rested on. Vartann's hands were firmly on Sara's waist, pulling her against him, as they moved slowly in time to the music.

"She looks beautiful" Morgan stated sadly watching as Sara shyly smiled at the detective.

"She does..." Greg agreed with a nod not being able to take his eyes off her.

"I don't know why she bothers" Hodges snorted casting an eye over the tall brunette before turning back to Morgan. "Can I get you a drink?"

"Sure..." She gave a small smile, squeezing Greg's arm before disappearing into the direction of the bar with Hodges and his mother.

Greg was left standing alone watching Sara as he plucked up the courage to go and talk to her. With a deep breath he approached the pair, giving them a nervous smile.

"May I?" He asked his eyes catching Sara's as Vartann let go of her hand. Their fingers tangled together as Greg pulled Sara towards him, one hand on the small of her back. She kept her eyes studying the floor around them as they danced.

"Greg I need to say something..." She took a sharp intake of breath, leaning forward, her curls brushing against his cheek, her scent overwhelming him. "I'm leaving...I'm leaving Vegas"

"Sara..." It felt as if the world had fallen from beneath his feet as he held on to her tighter. "Don't"

"I have to..." She muttered fighting back tears.

"I told her...I told her about us" Greg stated hoping that it would change the things Sara was thinking. "Sara I love you...don't go..."

"How can I stay here after everything?" The tears had won, escaping past her eyelashes as she melted into Greg's embrace letting him hold her up as they slowly swayed.

"Run away with me" He whispered to her.

The words resounded through Sara's body as they realised that the music had stopped that they were alone in the centre of the dance floor everyone's eyes glued to them. Greg's eyes didn't leave Sara's as she pulled away from him.

"I'm sorry..." She murmured wiping the tears away. Greg didn't say a word wrapping his arms around her waist pulling Sara flush against him, pressing his lips to hers, kissing her with everything he could muster, his heart pounding in his head.

They could hear the gasps and the disapproving groans from the people watching but it didn't matter. He didn't care.

Sara pulled away first pressing a kiss to his cheek before forcing him to let go of her hands.

"Goodbye" And with nothing else she turned away from Greg walking towards the door, taking a deep breath, closing her eyes giving up fighting off the tears.

"Sara, don't leave me...don't do this..." His voice stopped her in her tracks. "After everything, after all these years...I still love you as much as I did the day I met you. And I don't think I can feel that way about anyone else. Actually I know I can't. You told me that you still loved me. If that's true don't leave...don't walk away."

"Greg...Stop it" Sara turned to face him, her hands curled into fists. "Don't do this"

"No...I've had enough of letting you push me away..." Greg took a deep breath. "This is it Sara. You leave now I'm not going to chase you... But before you go look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me."

"I can't" She announced honestly in front of everyone.

"Then why are we doing this?" He asked. "Why are we pretending that we don't want to be together?"

"Because..." Sara shook her head realising that she didn't have an excuse to give him.

Greg made his way towards her, his heart on his sleeve. "Sara...Run away with me...let's start again..."

Sara couldn't help it; she stepped towards him, kissing Greg, her hands tangled in his hair. She broke the kiss breathlessly.

"I love you" She said with closed eyes pressing her forehead against Greg's as he held onto her.

"I love you too" He replied. "Let's go...We can go anywhere you want"

Greg kept his hold firmly on Sara turning to see Morgan watching them, tears streaming down her face as Hodges kept his arm firmly around her, holding her up.

"I'm sorry"

He mouthed realising that there was nothing else he could say- he couldn't stay here. He couldn't go through with something he knew was a lie.

Greg led Sara out of the hall, the night wrapping around them as they realised that this was the new start they both had been waiting for- all of the things that had happened before didn't matter because they were together.

The feelings of wanderlust that had consumed them would fade from this moment on because this was it- they were going to disappear- leave Las Vegas and all of their ghosts behind.

They'd made it through.

And in the end they still loved each other.

**The End **


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